Story Of My Father, My Idol..

MY BELOVED FATHER

Dunggi Marudin, that is my beloved father name. He has 14teen kids; 7 kids frm his 1st wife and 7 kids from his 2nd wife ( my mother ). I don't know much about his work background though he did told me about it so many but it was my fault for being so unobservant.

My father loves all of his kids though he rarely show it but as a person who always spent a lot of time with him before I leave my village to pursue my study, I know that he loves all of his kids unconditionally. Some of us did complained that he was unfair in showing his love yet the truth is he never differ his love to any of us. 

My father was not a wealthy man. He did not own a huge bungalow or fancy car yet he did inherited some good properties from his parent. He manage to support us till we are able to support ourselves. He is very good in fixing thing especially electronic stuff and also vehicles. Some of us did inherited his talent in fixing thing.

My father is the kindest man I have ever know but he is not a pious man. Though he was christian follower yet never go to church or attending anything concerning with religion. I did wonder why and even asked him once when I was still a little kid but all he said; you will understand when you grew up. I understand very much now the reason. He never gossiped about other people though some people always talked bad about him. If people done injustice to him, he never complain though i knew he was sad and disappointed with certain people and I am one of those people who make him sad and disappointed.

My father was the one who asked my siblings to seek and search for me when I was missing, lost my way of life. My mother said he tried to play tough during those period of times yet he was crying every night just thinking of me and even fell sick for worrying too much about me and for that i regret every single thing I have done for causing his misery.

My father accepted me and still love me like before although my other family already considered me as the black sheep in the family after betraying my family trust and tarnished their reputation. My father forgave me and even supported me through my choice of life path. He become my adviser, motivated me to stand up and prove to all people that I still can raised from my fall. 

My father is my idol and will always be. I still remember our last conversation on the night before he was gone. He asked me to never give up no matter what happened because things happened for reason. Those 15min conversation through phone was the last conversation I have with him. (I couldn't even hug my father for the last time). My father was gone forever but to me he is always here close to my heart and i do believed he is up there watching over  me.

My other siblings might have their own story about him but this is my story about him.. But no matter what their story, I believed that all of my siblings love him dearly. He was the center of our life. Without him, we are not who we are now.

I only have 2 pics of my father but I don't need any pic to recall all of our memory together because it's right here in my mind and my heart.

4 years have passed

I’ll never forget the day

Someone rang to tell me

That you’d gone away

The hurt is the same

Still here in my heart
Like an open wound

Keep bleeding when those date approached

There are days
I don’t utter a sound
Some days the pain is stronger
It makes me sick and weak
I can’t stand the pain and regret

I just sit and weep

I was your princess

Daddy's little girl

I took my own path
But still you never cast me away

Yet I am still part of your world

You were like a rock

Strong, faithful and true

What worth has my life

Now I don’t have you

I was not the best

I even the worst

Guilty of neglect

But you know daddy dearest

I had so much respect for you

I always love you

My dad, my idol

Now my pain is
To miss you from afar

MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PEACE