MERRY CHRISTMAS 2010

Last time I celebrated this event is 10 years ago before I converted to Islam. Frankly, I misses to celebrate Christmas very much but please do not misunderstand because I just miss the celebration not my former religion. I misses the Christmas present giving, I  misses the decoration, I misses the family gathering on this event and I misses the foods!

I still celebrate Christmas but not as happening as before since here in Peninsular, people will eyes us suspiciously especially about this that concerned with religion. I have once asked a friend who asked an expert on thing like this whether it is wrong to me to celebrate Christmas with my family and I am glad upon his explanation that it is okay as long as I know the boundaries. He said that what matter the most is our faith in Allah and our intention on celebrating.




So, I would like to shout to the world especially to my beloved mother and families back at Sabah a very Happy Christmas! May Happiness and Grace bestow upon us all and peace and harmony spread worldwide!

Balance Bring Forward

As far as I remember, i have so many purpose that unfulfilled and I keep forwarding it each year. It's really suck because I am 28 years old and i still have like 10+ purpose I've not done properly yet!!

I have so many expectation in my life! And maybe that's why it's really hard to fulfill every single thing I expect from my life especially after I ruined my own plan that I  planned during my teenage year.. I don't have anyone to blame for since it's my mistake. I have endured self-respect crash for some years before I got up one day, looking into my 1st born baby and said to myself that I must be strong, keep my head up and moved on with my life. Until then, my life purpose totally changed 360 degree because I have my kids future to consider with.

Nowadays, my life purpose mostly about my kids well-being and my dreams as well. I don't think I am ready to give up my childhood dream and I will make sure that one day it will come true before my life end..

Each year I am struggling and doing my best to fulfill every single purpose I have made and it's not as easy as people might seem. Being alone in metropolitan city that have no mercy on weak people and surrounded by money-greed people, the task is much more challenging and hard. If you are too weak and naive, you might allured into fulfilling your purpose by the illegal but easy way!

I am glad that I have my family moral support though they live far away in Sabah. It's enough for me to keep myself in the right path in fulfilling my dreams and purpose. Not once but over and over again people especially those i know online try to talk me into doing something bad but thank God that He gift me mind that can differ between bad and good. Although I have done mistake before but it doesn't mean that I will repeat the same mistake and I learn a lot from my past mistake!

Though I keep forwarding my unfulfilled dreams and purposes each year like a debt balance being forwarded I am proud with myself because I doing it the right way! It's might take quite some times to fulfill all of them  but I still believe that  I can achieve its.

Harian Metro & Kosmo! : Idea No more??

Among many papers available here in Malaysia, I dislike Harian Metro and Kosmo! the most. Why? The answer is simple; because they reported a lot of trivial matter than significant ones.. Do we really want to know about trivial stuff such as weird animal, mystical stuff etc.. Yes, the papers still reported some important local news but 45% only and the rest were irrelevant news.. News paper should reported about relevant ongoing stuff...


Their choice of words for the title and also the content were another thing that really irritates me about this papers..  I don't wanna explain further because I don't want any reason for them to find fault with me later..

Let me conclude my reason on why I dislike this papers in simple words;~

• Lack of relevant news/event
• using "conceited" words ( in both title & contents )
• comical way of content evaluation - makes me think that the news is just rumors
• Dominating advertisement - Dr.Romzey appeared in every edition of Harian Metro like he own it! WTH!

If you are one of those weirdo stuff fan, I suggest you to read this papers because the papers itself are weirdo..I might be reading fanatic but still I choose my reading stuff and this papers were listed last in my choice.. To all Harian Metro & Kosmo! fan; no hard feeling okay!! This is just me expressing what I think.. Reading is good no matter what you read but your choice of reading material define something about you.. So, it's your choice!

Stressful Year End

Year end is suppose to be anticipate by most people because it's time for holiday yet for me year end is the most stressing period since during this period my mind is coping with so many figure especially those concerning with my kids school preparation; books, tuition, apparatus, bus fees, school fees etc.

Well, my salary is just in average level, means it is okay yet living in metropolitan city like KL demand more than my salary can afford.. Everything we did here have cost and the cost is not as cheap as you think.. I wish i am living back at my village where the cost the lower!!!

I am 28 years old and I still have to settle my PTPTN loan.. I planned to settle it in 5 years yet with the rates I am paying back to PTPTN right now i think it might need more than 5 years to be settle.. I wish the government will evaluate back the interest that we have to pay.. My situation is worst because they already black-listed me at the Immigration and that caused a lot of trouble to me and prevent me from achieve more from my recent career..

Hopefully everything will be work as i planned....

New Gadget or Saving ??

End year is approaching and here I am once again planning what to do with my annual bonus ( if there any for me ). I am excited yet nervous at the same time because I expect too much I guess.. Last year I have to use my annual bonus to cover up our debt, so there not much left for me to buy things I want and there was nothing i kept for saving..

This coming soon annual bonus I am planning to buy new hand-phone, maybe I-phone or Blackberry but I am not sure whether it is necessary since I am not a gadgets collector, plus my hand-phone is still in good condition.. I feel like wanna buy it because I envied all of my friend that already using it!! It's really a worst excuse isn't it? I also thinking on saving it up since I already have everything I want for  now.. I think it's relevant since I wanna buy a bigger car for my bigger family in near future.. Our Viva can't hardly fit us all !

I am good in administering and managing my company account but I am really bad in managing my own finance!! I do have planning but always slipped away from my own planning!! I hope I am able to follow my plan this time so that I can save more money for children future..

Happy Deepavali!

I think this is funny since i don't have any close Indian friend yet I wanna wish Happy Deepavali to anyone concerned out there.. I do have Indian neighbors but I am not really friendly to them because of certain circumstance but I still want to wish it to them... 

I might not celebrating Deepavali yet here I am utterly happy because I am gonna have a long weekend with my family though most of it will be indoor since we rarely go out..

Frankly, I never really visit friend during Deepavali Festival because I don't have any close Indian friend in whole my life though one or two of my sister in law were Indian.. I wonder whether they celebrated it any longer since married to my brother..

Yet I think most people are happy and delight to celebrate this Festival as merry as Hari Raya Puasa , Chinese New Year  and Christmas festival because it's holiday time babe!!! Time to chill-ax and have a rest wherever you wanna be..

So have a happy Deepavali (to whom celebrating it), relax, enjoy and have a nice weekend to all of you..

Nightmares and Sweet Dreams..

I am one of those people who can sleep through the night without any dreams, bad or good if I am in good state of health, emotionally and physically. Yet if i can choose, I rather have a sweet dreams then nightmares and I believe everyone want a sweet dreams instead of nightmares. In fact everyone hate nightmares! Unfortunately, we cannot choose what we gonna dream about.. Even the process of dreaming is still a mystery and no logic explanation available though many scientific research have been done that bring on more fascination about it..

I am not gonna explain about dreams because it's such a complex topic but you can read more about it at this link ---->Dream : Wikipedia

I still remember how I dream constantly about my father every night after he passed away that cause me awake and crying after that. This happened for months and effected my health emotionally and physically. To me, dreaming about my father is not a nightmare no matter what kind of dream it is.. It's not the dream that effected my health but it was my regret, guilt and my stubbornness to accept that my father is gone that caused all of those health havoc.But now, I am doing fine though I still dream about my father from time to time..

The scariest nightmare i ever have is to be trapped in a house full with worm!!! I am phobia with worm!! I don't know how it happened and when it start about but I do scare of worm. I can stand with reptile such as snake but anything come close as worm will scare me to death..As for my kids, I only know my eldest son nightmare because he will tell me about it right after I wake him up to get ready for school and so far the scariest, according to me is being chased away by zombie..( Laughing ) As for my Hubby, I think the scariest one is the he dreamed about right after he was released from the worst moment of his life.. The memory of him hugging me and the kids and crying while telling his dream will always stuck in my mind for the rest of my life.. Who said guy can't cry..Even the toughest guy will cry if he dream something like that and I won't tell what is my hubby dream all about because the dream is him to tell not mine.

If nightmare exist so do sweet dreams and talking about sweet dream make me smiling like a an idiot.. Well, i think the sweetest dream I ever have so far is to meet and fall in love with the guy I have a big crush on when I am in secondary school but I won't mention who he was because it will embarrass me.. At least he fall for me in my dreams, hahahahaha.. As for my hubby, I guess the sweetest dream he ever have ( so far ) is winning a Jackpot in his dream!!!

 You see, nightmares and sweet dream is just a part of human life.. Yet nightmares can effected us badly if we are weak enough and sweet dreams can drift us away from reality if we let it be.. So, It's okay to have a nightmares and sweet dream as long as we always on reality checked.

PIECE OF MY HEART..

I am writing this not because i want to humiliate anybody but i only want to express what i feel deep inside my heart before it take away my sanity and strength. for almost 10 years I have to live with betrayal and pain because i make the wrong choice in my life and i don't want any other girls out there make the same mistake.

I don't know how  i survived with all of those pain that i have through because some of it really traumatized me and broke my self senses from inside. I don't have anyone here in Malaya who can support me morally. I rather keep it in my heart than discuss it with any of my in law family because i learned from the past. My family live far away from me back at Sabah and the only connected us is telephone. My father is the who always there to listen to me pouring out all my heart before this but since he passed away 4 years ago, i don't any except my mother yet i don't want to burden her.

I don't want to mention who hurt me over and over again. whenever that person lost his temper, he will start threatening me and humiliate me in public with his attitude and words. He promise to change but he never did. I really want to be free from him but he is important to my family. I have sacrificed too much for him but he never appreciate any of it.

I pray to God to give me strength and patience but I am no angel and my patience is limited. I know one day i have to let him go and i hope by that time i am strong enough to do so.. I believe God is fair in everything. I have to admit that i have a foul mouth but i am not a bad person. I don't hold grunge because I let God do the punishment for me.