Good Dad?? Bad Dad??

I am reading through one of blogger post about  her father and how much she love him because of the sacrifice her father have done for her and her siblings and couldn't help myself from snorting and making an ugly expression because I know her and this man she call 'father'. Maybe not that well but long enough to know their family character and frankly I really don't like their character and behavior.

image credited to gooddadbaddad.com

I am not writing this to judge or to humiliate them but the feeling I have keep for so long about them is clawing from deep inside me to be acknowledge especially after reading her praise and adoration over her father. Well, who is not praising a good, wonderful and responsible father whom willing to sacrifice everything for his children happiness right? But, this girl's father only being good towards his children with his new wife. Yep, this 'father' have kids with his 1st wife/ex-wife that being treated badly by him and his new family. Thinking of his bad treatment towards his other children make want to puke when I read this blogger praise over him. I guess she is just want to be a good daughter who talk only good thing about her father and turn blind to the bad side of her father... If her father really that good, he will find them, support them and guide them to the right path instead of giving up and let the children strayed away.. If he is really such an amazing father, he will never disowned his other children for no matter what the situation is.. (*with emo aura)

I never stop wondering how can a father acted indifferently towards his children when his blood is running in them though they are from different mother? When I was a kid, I only watched this kind of scenario from TV and it really hard for me to believe that this kind of father exist in reality since I lived with my mother, my stepmother, my siblings and my step-siblings and my father love all of us equally. For that I am really grateful..But when I was older and  seen one 'father' with this bad traits, I have to accept that this is not a fiction but a fact..(*defeated expression)

As I said, this is not my judgement but just my hidden feeling that been lurking in my heart for quite some time now and I feel such a relief to blurt it out here.. I am really sorry if you may find that this post offense you in some way because as I mentioned earlier it just my thought and feeling.. Well, some people said it's better to pour out our hard feeling before it turn into poison and here I am doing exactly that to avoid my heart from being poisonous.. Padahal alasan mo kasi lepas geram ja..(*winking)

Unexpected Gift!

It's Thursday and it mean 1 more day to go before weekend..(*winking)

Between my hectic day in office, I manage to sit down and write this entry that bugging me since Monday.. It's about my hubby..Nope, it's not a bad thing but quite a surprise for me because he is not a romantic kind of guy and honestly he never did any romantic stuff for me though I am okay with it since me too react awkwardly with romantic situation..(*Laughing)

Tada!! The content is secret but I guess you knew it

Last Monday, after fetching my kids at the day care, he then came to fetch me at my office, along with the kids. Then we went to the Giant, Puchong and asked me to wait in the car with the kids because he said want to buy some stuff. After half hour, he came back. I was not paying attention when he entered our car because I was busy playing games on my phone while the kids busy chatting and playing at the back seat. He put my favorite flower, roses and a gift bag on my lap and asked me to open it. Amazed, I opened the bag and found a Tomei jewel box inside.

I asked him why all of sudden? He said, " I never give you anything because I can't afford it before this. I know you never ask any but I want you have it. Just think of it as gift for our anniversary. "

I was speechless. I never expect this from hubby because I knew his character and attitude. Seriously, I thought he was acting really weird and lots of negative thinking started to cloud my mind. Where did he got the money to buy it? Why did he gave it to me? How ? When? etc... I barely uttered a words to him, not until after we have our dinner only then I managed to let out my mind. He laughed and said, "Is it really weird for guy like me to be a little bit romantic once a while? Seriously, no hidden agenda here. Its not that expensive but its sincere from me. Don't worry, I bought it with my own money that I save up without your knowledge. For that I am sorry and quit those negative thinking already."

That was 3 days ago. Now I am wearing it on my middle finger everyday upon my hubby request though I don't really like wearing any jewellery. Why middle finger? Don't laugh okay...Because it was the smallest one that Tomei can offer! Bigger than that mean I can't wear it at all..LOL.. To tell truth, I was really moved with this unexpected gift from my hubby because I saw the sincerity in his eyes when he gave it to me.. He is right, the gift is not that expensive but the sincerity is what I value the most..THANK YOU HUBBY!

The moral of the story, don't jump into conclusion before you understand the root/resource of something because you might concluded wrong. Obviously I jumped into conclusion by thinking that something is not right with my hubby unexpected gift just because he never do such thing in the past. Now I feel bad because I suspected him doing something illegal.. I am sorry hubby! This unexpected gift incident will definitely gonna be one of my sweetest memory...(*winking)

Time's up here! So, until later... HAPPY THURSDAY!

P/S: I don't wear my wedding ring because I lost it few years ago.

Wordless Wednesday #10

Letting Go

I suppose to post this during my return to my beloved village on 17th until 20th September but due to the poor Digi broadband/3G/Internet connection at my village I have to hold it until I return to KL. I thought I want to post it yesterday but I don't have those 'FREE' times because well you know, load of work at home and office waiting for me. So I only manage to post this after I sort out all of those tasks which is today.. I do realize that this month I rarely update my blog, missed to post entry for WW and I missed my blog-hopping since last week.. Haiya, I have not finish the story of my past yet!! However, I will try to finish it before end of this month and for now let hear out why I did not go back to my village for such a long time...

Image credited to google.com

Yep, I went back to my village on 17th until 20th Sept, alone because I need to do it by myself.. I can't describe the feeling of happiness and relief because after almost 5 years delaying and finding excuses, I find the strength to face and accept the fact of my father death. For years I dwell in my grief and refuse to go back home because I know going back there will definitely remind me of my father 'absence' though I miss my mom very much. I keep in my mind that my dad is still there in my village waiting for me and if I dont go back he will be always there waiting  for me..

Yes, that was me running away from the reality and living in the world of my own creation. For years my mom persuaded me to come home but I am too scared of the truth that will crash down my world of creation. I always make excuses from going back when the truth is I was just can't accept the fact.

Last year my big bro said this to me,  "Nung, how long you gonna run from the fact? Our dad is gone but our mom is still there waiting for you! Do you think dad can rest in peace if he know his beloved daughter live in denial of his death and cannot let him go? Do you think he can rest in peace if he know you ignore our mom plea because you refuse to accept the fact? Mom is getting older and always sick. She miss you so much.. You don't want the history to repeat right?"

 

My big bro advice hit my wall of defense and rock my world to its core.. I dont want the history repeat itself and I want my father soul rest in peace. Though it was very hard for me but after being counseled and advice by certain people, I decided to go back ..When I arrived at KKIA (terminal 2) I have the same feeling that I have 5 years ago on 25th Sept 2006, messy but this time I don't have those anticipation that the news of my father death was lie and he will be there to greet, hug and talk to me because I know he is no longer there..  

I have thru many obstacle but my father death really make me lost my way.. I blame myself for his death. He suffered a lot because of my mistake. I knew I hurt him.. I was the last person informed by my family about my father death and that was one of reason I feel so damn angry and  hurt.. I was the last person among my sibling who arrived at my village and I only manage to see his face for like few minutes before they buried him. I couldn't touch him and all I can see was his face through the glass pane on his coffin.. At that time I set my mind that he was just sleeping, that he not yet dead.. When I returned to KL, I started to create my own world that effected my health, my work and almost lost my sanity.. Only after I gave birth of my daughter that I rebuild my career yet I still running from the fact of my father death.. Lot of people thought that I was okay because I am very good at hiding my sadness and misery.. Whenever people talked about my father, I turned deaf to them and I ignored any statement that will brought up my father absence..Then I will cried in darkness every time I thought of him.. Might sound really silly for some people but I really did that because I was unable to grasp my father sudden death.. For years I live like that until those words of my big bro hit me and make me realize of my stupidity..

After those advice of my big bro, I talked with certain people and they said I must letting go and forgive myself and the best way is to go back to where the reality awaiting to be acknowledge by me and this time I am ready to letting go..I feel better after I go back to my hometown, talked to my mother and let go every single reason that caused me refusing to accept my father death starting with forgiving myself.. I am not saying that I will let go everything about him because I am holding our memory close to my heart as a reminder of him.. I knew my father will always watching over me.. 

Really sorry if I bored you all with this sad story of mine but I want to share about how important to let go of something that bugged and sadden our life because life is so short to dwell in such grief and everyone will die and everything will come to end sooner or later.. I really hope you can learn something from this story of mine.. Until next post, Good day Everyone!..

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We Too Can be The Lovey-Dovey Couple

Who say my hubby and I cannot be the lovey-dovey couple? Yeah, we are like Tom and Jerry but it doesn't mean we always on way. Plus I am ANTI-WAR, remember..

My hubby and I rarely show our affection in front of people and for that people always misunderstood us. Once my hubby relatives said to me, "korang ni nama je dah kahwin tapi lagak macam berkawan." My replies,"tak biasa la manja-manja kat depan orang cik." That's the truth. Most couple unashamedly show  their affection publicly but for my hubby and me, that kind of affection is exclusively ours and we don't need to show or even to boast up about it in public. 

Not only we feel awkward to show our affection in public, we have the same feeling even during taking pictures together. "Peluk la suami ko tu!!","Alahai, kaku nyer!", "Rapat la sikit!" I am used to all of this kind order because it's always shouted to us when my hubby and I taking picture together. I just can't show the affection in front of other people because doing it just like baring out my secret to public. Gosh, it's feel so embarrassing! 

However, my hubby and I had solved the awkward feeling when taking pics together since now we have our very own personal photographer.. Can you guess who is he? Hahaha, who else but my eldest son. We don't have to feel shy in front of him because he is our son! Now we too can pose as the lovey-dovey couple like pics below taken by my son last Sunday:-

My eldest son name this pic as "Mama & Papa with 2 monkey" so I said to  him,"If they are monkey then you are monkey big bro"

Do we qualify to be the lovey-dovey couple now??

 

See, we too can pose as the lovey-dovey couple.. Okay, it's 12.20 am already. So, got to stop ranting now but before that I wanna say thank you for all those who give me an advise/tips about my sensitive/allergis problem. Garzie mille kio!

P/S:-Nice shot for a 9 years old kiddo right? 

A Box Of Kisses

Image by Mr. Google

Ehem... I have stare to the monitor for quite some times but couldn't find the right words to start my rant today since I am kind of free. I didn't realize that I have zoned out until my hand-phone rings. Oppps, hubby called to inform me that he will arrive in 20 minutes to fetch me out for lunch. Mean I only have 20 minutes to type down my rants! 

Okay, since today is Friday and last working day for this week, I thought (earlier) I am  not going to ruin anybody weekend mood by writing something teary-dreary. However, I don't have time to elaborate any idea that lingered in my mind so I decided just to share below motivational story, again from academictips.org

Some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, “This is for you, Daddy.” He was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found the box was empty.

He yelled at her, “Don’t you know that when you give someone a present, there’s supposed to be something inside it?”

The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said,”Oh, Daddy, it is not empty. I blew kisses into the box. All for you, Daddy.”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.

It is told that the man kept that gold box by his bed for years and whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us as humans have been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, friends, family and God. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold. Often enough, in our effort to achieve all of those temporary fame and wealth, we hurt our loves one feeling especially our kid, parent and even our sibling and only realize what they mean to us when it's too late.. I know the feeling of guilt and regret over neglecting/hurting the one who close to me.

So, treat your love one nicely so that you won't live with the same guilt and regret I feel and believe me that your life will much more meaningful. Spend time with your family, kid, parent or even your sibling because in the moment of difficulties they were the 1st person you will turn to for encouragement..

GEEEZZZZ.. Time's up! Need to fix my make-up because hubby will be here in any minutes.. Have a nice Friday and blasting weekend!