Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Nightmares and Sweet Dreams..

I am one of those people who can sleep through the night without any dreams, bad or good if I am in good state of health, emotionally and physically. Yet if i can choose, I rather have a sweet dreams then nightmares and I believe everyone want a sweet dreams instead of nightmares. In fact everyone hate nightmares! Unfortunately, we cannot choose what we gonna dream about.. Even the process of dreaming is still a mystery and no logic explanation available though many scientific research have been done that bring on more fascination about it..

I am not gonna explain about dreams because it's such a complex topic but you can read more about it at this link ---->Dream : Wikipedia

I still remember how I dream constantly about my father every night after he passed away that cause me awake and crying after that. This happened for months and effected my health emotionally and physically. To me, dreaming about my father is not a nightmare no matter what kind of dream it is.. It's not the dream that effected my health but it was my regret, guilt and my stubbornness to accept that my father is gone that caused all of those health havoc.But now, I am doing fine though I still dream about my father from time to time..

The scariest nightmare i ever have is to be trapped in a house full with worm!!! I am phobia with worm!! I don't know how it happened and when it start about but I do scare of worm. I can stand with reptile such as snake but anything come close as worm will scare me to death..As for my kids, I only know my eldest son nightmare because he will tell me about it right after I wake him up to get ready for school and so far the scariest, according to me is being chased away by zombie..( Laughing ) As for my Hubby, I think the scariest one is the he dreamed about right after he was released from the worst moment of his life.. The memory of him hugging me and the kids and crying while telling his dream will always stuck in my mind for the rest of my life.. Who said guy can't cry..Even the toughest guy will cry if he dream something like that and I won't tell what is my hubby dream all about because the dream is him to tell not mine.

If nightmare exist so do sweet dreams and talking about sweet dream make me smiling like a an idiot.. Well, i think the sweetest dream I ever have so far is to meet and fall in love with the guy I have a big crush on when I am in secondary school but I won't mention who he was because it will embarrass me.. At least he fall for me in my dreams, hahahahaha.. As for my hubby, I guess the sweetest dream he ever have ( so far ) is winning a Jackpot in his dream!!!

 You see, nightmares and sweet dream is just a part of human life.. Yet nightmares can effected us badly if we are weak enough and sweet dreams can drift us away from reality if we let it be.. So, It's okay to have a nightmares and sweet dream as long as we always on reality checked.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Dusun language days for my kids !!

I feel that teaching Dusun language to my kids and hubby is one of my priority nowadays because i found out that they are really poor with it. I spoke mixed language ( malay + english + Dusun ) with them and i think it's not enough since they barely talk in Dusun though they understand it.

I ask my eldest son to answer me in Dusun language whenever I talk with them using Dusun but he said  " Mama, it's sound weird and funny ". Yet he did try talking in Dusun with me in the end after arguing with me. My 2nd son is the funniest one since he like to imitating me speaking in Dusun and then start asking me with his never ending question such as " why should he learn speaking in Dusun? ", " why he have to speak in dusun with his Odu?", " How come his mother, me can speak in Dusun very good?" and many more other question that will make me snapped at him sometimes.. I hope I can do better with my daughter and youngest son since they are still in early age and according to expert it's better if we teach them to excel in languages since early ages.

My husband is the worst because he refuse to speak in Dusun though he can understand it.. He said he is too old to start learning it but I know it's just an excuses since there is no limit in learning.. Maybe it's a bit difficult but if we keep on practice we can be good at it.. Hopefully i can persuade him to try speaking in Dusun sometimes with me. However i am proud because he did understand it..

As for me, I am still good with my Dusun language and I am very proud with it.. I want my kids to speak it because I don't want my mother tongue being forgotten by future generation.. Although my kids were not born in Sabah but my blood, Sabahan blood is in their blood and that make them one of Sabahan too.. I guess i need to be more persistent to courage my kids speak in Dusun.. For a start, i will fix some day in a week for dusun speaking only in my home so that my kids will know that i am serious with it.

Hopefully my kids can speak Dusun better after this...

Monday, October 18, 2010


Since last week, insomnia is attacking me again. I can't have a peaceful sleep during night and cause me to wake up with migrain and stress in the morning time due to lack of good night sleep. I am thinking of consume sleeping pills if this situation prolong but i know that it's not the best solution beside i don't like taking pills.

Insomnia is most frequently defined by an individual's report of sleeping difficulties or sometimes described as sleeping disorder demonstrated by polysomnographic of disturbed sleep.

Types of insomnia

Insomnia can be classified as transient, acute, or chronic.
  1. Transient insomnia lasts for less than a week. It can be caused by another disorder, by changes in the sleep environment, by the timing of sleep, severe depression, or by stress. Its consequences - sleepiness and impaired psychomotor performance - are similar to those of sleep deprivation
  2. Acute insomnia is the inability to consistently sleep well for a period of less than a month.
  3. Chronic insomnia lasts for longer than a month. It can be caused by another disorder, or it can be a primary disorder. Its effects can vary according to its causes. They might include muscular fatigue, hallucinations, and/or mental fatigue; but people with chronic insomnia often show increased alertness.[Some people that live with this disorder see things as if they are happening in slow motion, wherein moving objects seem to blend together. Can cause double vision.
Many expert suggested  attention to sleep hygiene is an important first line treatment strategy and should be tried before any pharmacological approach is considered. Pharmacological treatments have been used mainly to reduce symptoms in acute insomnia; their role in the management of chronic insomnia remains unclear. It's mean, we need to figure out what cause the insomnia before we can tackle it down and have a good night sleep and say bye to panda eyes..

I think i will skip the sleeping pills and try to figure out why did i have this sleeping problem 1st so that i can sort it out from my mind.. I guess it's must have something to do with my anxiety and stress-out mind due to my personal problem.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I am writing this not because i want to humiliate anybody but i only want to express what i feel deep inside my heart before it take away my sanity and strength. for almost 10 years I have to live with betrayal and pain because i make the wrong choice in my life and i don't want any other girls out there make the same mistake.

I don't know how  i survived with all of those pain that i have through because some of it really traumatized me and broke my self senses from inside. I don't have anyone here in Malaya who can support me morally. I rather keep it in my heart than discuss it with any of my in law family because i learned from the past. My family live far away from me back at Sabah and the only connected us is telephone. My father is the who always there to listen to me pouring out all my heart before this but since he passed away 4 years ago, i don't any except my mother yet i don't want to burden her.

I don't want to mention who hurt me over and over again. whenever that person lost his temper, he will start threatening me and humiliate me in public with his attitude and words. He promise to change but he never did. I really want to be free from him but he is important to my family. I have sacrificed too much for him but he never appreciate any of it.

I pray to God to give me strength and patience but I am no angel and my patience is limited. I know one day i have to let him go and i hope by that time i am strong enough to do so.. I believe God is fair in everything. I have to admit that i have a foul mouth but i am not a bad person. I don't hold grunge because I let God do the punishment for me.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...