Today My Life Begin

Hi everyone!

I don't know what to write about because I was so deep in thought with my recent situation. Yeah, this blog of mine seem abandoned but nope, I am not losing my blogging passion yet. It's just that at the moment I can't share anything about my life when it's full with uncertainty but I am going to be active in blogging again (*smile).

Not many know what is going on because I choose to settle it without third parties interference because I know what will happened when people start to involve with this matter. I realized that lots of people will accusing me of being selfish as they always did before but I don't mind anymore. I just want to get my life back to its track and become myself without faking or pretending to be happy anymore.

I cannot reveal too much about this matter but I feel calmer and content now. It's not easy for me to choose this option but I don't want to live with the question 'what if' forever. I want to take control of my life and my future. I want my kids to see the real me and teach  them to stand for what they believe. I don't want them to do what I been doing when I younger and foolish, following what other people told me to do and losing myself and my voice and in the end I don't even know who I am and become so self-conscious.

Imagine a girl who was pampered and grew up with love and tenderness by her parent and siblings, who never know the words 'violence', who stupidly threw herself into trouble and experienced all the heartaches, pain and misery that nobody will ever understand except her. She couldn't adapt to her new environment. She became the laughing stock of her new family because of her language, attitude and behavior. She was shocked by her new family attitude and behavior, not that her family was that good but the difference is too obvious. For years she tried to adapt but she couldn't and she long for her hometown  every single minute. Time passed by, the girl became woman, she became stronger and wiser with each ordeal but at the same time she was also became the weakling that have no voice and vision. She knew that her life is not okay that she is not happy but she keep her head ups for the sake of her children and people around her. She was too afraid to hurt them even though deep inside she is miserable. Then one day, she woke up and realize that she have right to be happy, to change her life pathway and be herself.. The end! :p

All of you must be puzzled what's above rambling of this girl about right? Actually I just explained a little bit about my life and nope, I am not trying to gain anybody sympathy. The story above related to why I am taking the crucial decision I have ever made in my life. As I told before, I don't know where this might lead me and I don't what will happen in future but I m hoping and praying that God will guide and lead me. It's sadden me but at the same time I feel such a relief, like half of the burden on my shoulder being lift off..

What the.. this suppose to be a happy post, to tell my blogger friends that my new life start from today...Oppsss! since yesterday actually (*LOL). I am really sorry because I am talking in riddles again but with times all you might know what is it about. Anyway, I hope everyone have a good and  happy life!

Good night & Happy Weekend!

Kiddos & Me doing crazy pose at I-City.