I am not a good mother :(

I have to admit that i am not a good mother. I love my kids though i m not very good in showing my feeling to them. My eldest sons once complained to me that i am very strict and mean to them and his complain make me feel utterly horrible with myself.. 

Since that day i am trying my best to change my attitude toward them especially with my eldest son, Ilhan Rafiq.. He is almost 8 years old and i know that during this stage of ages he is emotionally changing and i don't want my attitude affect his development in a bad way..

However my eldest son already show some sign of bad character in him such as laziness and stubbornness and i feel responsible to change this character in him. I read a lot in finding a way to change this bad character that seem become his habit and practicing it but so far nothing work..

I feel hopeless and always think that i am not a good mother.. But i won't give up..I will try my best to change him so that no one will blame for not trying in future..