Gone Yet Remain..

It's been a while since i last updated my blog.. Well, actually i am upset with myself and the only way i can derived myself from this kind of feeling is working very hard, real hard until i don't have time to think about it even i know the feeling will always here in my heart..

My stepmother passed away last week and i couldn't go back to my village because of my work obligation. My boss went to oversea, leaving me alone to handle our supplier from Japan who is doing their annual visit. I am the only one who cannot go back during her funeral and that make me feel so upset. I feel like I am not a good daughter. I planned to go back and visit my sick stepmother this coming May but my plan shattered to pieces the moment i heard that she is gone..

I should have known that something bad happened because I have this weird dream the night before my sis-in law leave a message on my wall in FB. I dreamed that a crazy man is after me and i get lost in a forest only to find way back and greeted with smile by my father and my stepmother.. They are hugging me tightly and it's really feel real..

Until now i can't forgive myself for couldn't give my stepmother a last visit. I don't think I can forgive myself the rest of my life.. To me, my stepmother might be gone but she will be remain in my heart and prayer till the last breathe of  my life.. I don't want to lost my grip like i did when my father passed away.. That was the darkest period of my life because i lost myself, my guidance and my dream the day my father passed away.. I feel like half of myself being  taken away from me.. It took me a while to get back on my track and start over once again..

My beloved stepmother,
I am sorry for cannot see you for the last time but you will always in my heart and prayer.. May you  rest in peace along with bapa in heaven.

ParenThots - Parents Corner ( Good Articles )

ParenThots - Parents Corner

I am agreed with the author of  this article because me too had practiced the method of using flash card and reading book to my eldest son and the result really impress me because he can read very well when he just 5 years old..

However i am very disappointed with myself because I didn't continued the method to my other children.. Reading the article remind me of my lack of effort to give the best for my children.. Right now, I made a promise to spare some times to use the method towards my other kids and hopefully it's can help them read in early age.

He is smiling and playing again :)

Yesterday, I am very worried about my baby son condition. When i fetched him at their nanny house, he was weak and seeing him like that wretched my heart.. I am used  to his smile and his sick condition take away all of those warm smile that always welcoming me..

I am praying silently in my heart hoping that he will be better. I am willing to take over his sickness because i don't want him to suffer.. He is just a baby. At home I am doing my best to give him more milk and water so that he will not dehydrated and will regain his energy. He consume his foods nicely without vomiting and that make me feel weird about his nanny complain that he can't drinks his milk without vomiting..Weird, really weird.

I wake up around 4.30 am to feed my baby son and I am really glad because he finished it without any problem.. around 7.30 am he was awake and crying asking for another round of milk.. He can move around and he even plays like always.. Only God can described how happy and grateful I am to see him smiling and playing around again..

But I am a little bit mad with their nanny behavior. She always expect the worst happen. I wonder whether she take care of my children nicely or not.. I am paying her much enough and I hope she know that I expect her to take my children with her best.

My little smiling prince is not well..

I am very worried about my baby boy condition that cause me doing a minor mistake despite of my zero-mistake working habits. He has been sick for almost 3 days.

        I calls my children nanny to know his current condition and feel a little relief knowing that he is crying and rolling. To me it's better than he just laying on the mattress doing nothing and making no sound at all.

       My hubby and i intend to consult to Hospital serdang if his condition no better by this afternoon.. Hopefully he is getting better and i can see his smiling face welcoming me when i fetch him today.. I hate hospital and i don't want him to be warded since hospital smell and sight only remind me of my last experience..

        I am praying to God that he will be better to prevent us from going to Hospital Serdang..