Gone Yet Remain..

It's been a while since i last updated my blog.. Well, actually i am upset with myself and the only way i can derived myself from this kind of feeling is working very hard, real hard until i don't have time to think about it even i know the feeling will always here in my heart..

My stepmother passed away last week and i couldn't go back to my village because of my work obligation. My boss went to oversea, leaving me alone to handle our supplier from Japan who is doing their annual visit. I am the only one who cannot go back during her funeral and that make me feel so upset. I feel like I am not a good daughter. I planned to go back and visit my sick stepmother this coming May but my plan shattered to pieces the moment i heard that she is gone..

I should have known that something bad happened because I have this weird dream the night before my sis-in law leave a message on my wall in FB. I dreamed that a crazy man is after me and i get lost in a forest only to find way back and greeted with smile by my father and my stepmother.. They are hugging me tightly and it's really feel real..

Until now i can't forgive myself for couldn't give my stepmother a last visit. I don't think I can forgive myself the rest of my life.. To me, my stepmother might be gone but she will be remain in my heart and prayer till the last breathe of  my life.. I don't want to lost my grip like i did when my father passed away.. That was the darkest period of my life because i lost myself, my guidance and my dream the day my father passed away.. I feel like half of myself being  taken away from me.. It took me a while to get back on my track and start over once again..

My beloved stepmother,
I am sorry for cannot see you for the last time but you will always in my heart and prayer.. May you  rest in peace along with bapa in heaven.