His name is Ilhan Rafiq, born on 19th July 2002 at Mutiara Maternity Centre. He was born while I am still struggling with my study at UKM. When I found out that I was conceiving with my eldest, I was so ashamed,scared and devastated. I almost quit from pursuing my study and even considered to abort him but I am very lucky to have such a great family especially my beloved parent who never give up on me though I was the one who tarnished my family image.
Looking into his eyes for the 1st time after gave birth of him really a moment to cherish. I still remember the emotion of being a mother for the 1st time.. He was really cute and adorable. I am glad that I gave birth of him. If people want to condemn anyone, let me be the one who bear it because he is innocent. I was the sinful one.
He give me purpose and strength to continue my study and my life. I ignore all of those condemnation stares and glares from my peers and keep my head up to my future. In my mind I stick one phrases " Past is past. I can't change it but i can determine and set a new and better future for me and my son".
He have through a lot of trouble with me. I still remember when I have to ask my friends help to take care of him while i am taking my examination because nobody taking care of him. We went off to UKM by my husband scooter early in the morning.. It's really an hour freezing and long journey for a 11th month old baby. I am very thankful to my friend ; Claire Andrew and Claire "Kerry" Fabian for taking care of him all of those time. They are among those people who never look down on me but keep encouraging me from time to time.
He was the one who really excited to have his baby brother. He said at last he have a friend to play with. He loves his brother dearly though they always pick up with each other. He was the one inpatient to see his baby sister. I still remember his blabbing about his baby sister.
I really regret because he never meet my beloved father, his grandfather in person. I was planning to bring him to my hometown so that my father will know him better but my father passed away before i manage to. Fate always crossed my way.
He shared a lot of bad and good times with me. He saw all of the misery i been through. He was even the one who always console me every time I cried and upset. Sometimes i was so mean to him but he never blamed me and he took everything i did as a punishment.
He is a shy boy. He loves sucking his thumb finger. I ask him once why? he said , sucking his finger calming him. He is brilliant and clever boy. He likes dreaming.. I saw him once talking to himself while watching his father aquarium yet he was not talking by himself, he was creating a story of his own. When i think back, it's really funny and i really hope i can catch the moment in video..
My dearest son, Mama might seem harsh, strict, mean sometime to you but above all Mama love you very much. Mama hope you will grow up to be a useful, good and responsible gentleman. May God always with you and blesses the journey of your life..
" HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY!"
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