Prince of Curiosity Kindergarten Graduation Day

Yesterday was my 2nd son kindergarten graduation day though I was absent from attending it due to my work demand... Another chapter of his education level done and next year he will be start his new chapter in standard one at Sekolah Kebangsaan Puchong Indah..

I am proud of him because he is as clever as any private kindergarten pupils though he attended public kindergarten, also known as Tabika Kemas.. I may not attend any of his kindergarten meeting /  occasion but i know every single progress he did.. He is very good in Math and he loves science very much.. He is curious about everything and want answer of everything.. His favorite tv program are " science backyard " and " animal mechanical "..

My husband is the one who always attend his kindergarten meeting and for that I am very grateful to him.. I asked him to snap pic of our son taking his certificate but he can't take any because the place was crowded with thousand parent who attending the graduation day of their kid. Luckily, my son teacher already took a pic of  my son with certificate and it's enough for his album..

I will do my best to give my kids proper education for their future and hopefully my 2nd son eagerness in everything never fade away..

Congratulation my son, Mama really proud of you..

Always me,

New Gadget or Saving ??

End year is approaching and here I am once again planning what to do with my annual bonus ( if there any for me ). I am excited yet nervous at the same time because I expect too much I guess.. Last year I have to use my annual bonus to cover up our debt, so there not much left for me to buy things I want and there was nothing i kept for saving..

This coming soon annual bonus I am planning to buy new hand-phone, maybe I-phone or Blackberry but I am not sure whether it is necessary since I am not a gadgets collector, plus my hand-phone is still in good condition.. I feel like wanna buy it because I envied all of my friend that already using it!! It's really a worst excuse isn't it? I also thinking on saving it up since I already have everything I want for  now.. I think it's relevant since I wanna buy a bigger car for my bigger family in near future.. Our Viva can't hardly fit us all !

I am good in administering and managing my company account but I am really bad in managing my own finance!! I do have planning but always slipped away from my own planning!! I hope I am able to follow my plan this time so that I can save more money for children future..

Happy Deepavali!

I think this is funny since i don't have any close Indian friend yet I wanna wish Happy Deepavali to anyone concerned out there.. I do have Indian neighbors but I am not really friendly to them because of certain circumstance but I still want to wish it to them... 

I might not celebrating Deepavali yet here I am utterly happy because I am gonna have a long weekend with my family though most of it will be indoor since we rarely go out..

Frankly, I never really visit friend during Deepavali Festival because I don't have any close Indian friend in whole my life though one or two of my sister in law were Indian.. I wonder whether they celebrated it any longer since married to my brother..

Yet I think most people are happy and delight to celebrate this Festival as merry as Hari Raya Puasa , Chinese New Year  and Christmas festival because it's holiday time babe!!! Time to chill-ax and have a rest wherever you wanna be..

So have a happy Deepavali (to whom celebrating it), relax, enjoy and have a nice weekend to all of you..

Scream!!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's it! I really want to scream out all of my tension off my head but I can't.. Not here in the middle of city full with people who might think that I am crazy if I do exactly that, screaming..

Screaming is a way of releasing tension out of our mind system though not supposedly being done frequently but occasionally.. Mean we cannot overdo it or other consequences might happen..

Back to my teenage years when I am still in my village, I used to scream whenever I feel like I can't take more pressure because it makes me feel good afterward.. screaming loose out my pressure knotted mind and make it think better and clearly afterward.. And I did it in the middle of our paddy field, screaming like maniac echoed by my mother angry voice, asking me what happened while I simply laughed like idiot..

However, here in Malaya I have to go to recreational parks such as Sunway Lagoon, Genting Highland, Bukit Gambang etc. just to scream out my tension.. Such a costly way that make me choose to cry in the dark of my room instead..  Or screaming out my lung to my pillow... Well, we have to be creative sometimes I guess even in finding the best and cheapest way to flush out our pressure..

I guess I will go to one of those recreational park along with my kids and husband because we need a break after all..

Enough is enough..

I start my day at office with tension and headache gripping my mind.. Why should those people keep asking me about that person problem.. Ya, we might be living together but it doesn't mean i know every single move that person did.. That person also never tell what he gonna do unless that person want me to help him lying and I hate that the most.. All my life I been helping that person too many time without asking anything except some changes in that person habits..

I received a call from those people asking me the arrival time of mine at office and I tell those people the truth ; 8.50am because I don't suspect anything.. Then those people tell me that that person only arrived at office at 9.30am and those people said they don't like it.. All i can say  is; really because as matter of fact it's none of my business.. I work for other company and those people don't have the right to ask me about me and they also don't have to use me to spy on that person.. This act really out of working ethics. However I can't be mad at those people because they asked me nicely.

The problem is that person.. That person acted without thinking of the consequences.. When problem arise, that person blame other people than admitting that he is wrong.. I hate this behavior the most!! there nothing wrong in admitting our mistake.. People will respect us more if we are humble enough to admit that we are wrong than lying to cover up our mistake.. I have learn from the hardest way that lying won't solve anything because once we lied we tend to create more lies and that mean we are living in lies..

I am ashamed of that person behavior and attitude.. That person see the worst in other people but he never realize that he is the worst.. Me too is not perfect because I admit that I have done so many mistake in my life as many as that person.. The difference is I regret every single mistake I have done while that person never and will never admit that he is wrong..

I am tired and i feel just want to give up hope in that person.. Or maybe I already give up because right now the only strength i have are inspire by my children.. They are the reason why I am still alive and fighting hard to give them the best in life..

Fave songs of my daughter & baby boy

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky!

Repeat:
 *Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!*

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.
(*repeat)

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.
(*repeat)

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky.
(*repeat)

As your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark,—
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
(*repeat)

That's it.. Twinkle twinkle little star! Both of my daughter and baby boy love this rhymes very much.. My baby boy always humming this rhymes when he is playing inside his cot drawn in his own world.. While my daughter sing this song with her own version that make my husband and me laugh whenever we heard of it..

This is another favorite song of my daughter & baby son :-

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie Ft. Rihanna

What can I say... They just like this song very much!!!! Every time they heard it on air or watch the video music on tv, they will started singing and dancing.. Moody atmosphere will definitely vanish watching this two tiny people competing each other...

Nightmares and Sweet Dreams..

I am one of those people who can sleep through the night without any dreams, bad or good if I am in good state of health, emotionally and physically. Yet if i can choose, I rather have a sweet dreams then nightmares and I believe everyone want a sweet dreams instead of nightmares. In fact everyone hate nightmares! Unfortunately, we cannot choose what we gonna dream about.. Even the process of dreaming is still a mystery and no logic explanation available though many scientific research have been done that bring on more fascination about it..

I am not gonna explain about dreams because it's such a complex topic but you can read more about it at this link ---->Dream : Wikipedia

I still remember how I dream constantly about my father every night after he passed away that cause me awake and crying after that. This happened for months and effected my health emotionally and physically. To me, dreaming about my father is not a nightmare no matter what kind of dream it is.. It's not the dream that effected my health but it was my regret, guilt and my stubbornness to accept that my father is gone that caused all of those health havoc.But now, I am doing fine though I still dream about my father from time to time..

The scariest nightmare i ever have is to be trapped in a house full with worm!!! I am phobia with worm!! I don't know how it happened and when it start about but I do scare of worm. I can stand with reptile such as snake but anything come close as worm will scare me to death..As for my kids, I only know my eldest son nightmare because he will tell me about it right after I wake him up to get ready for school and so far the scariest, according to me is being chased away by zombie..( Laughing ) As for my Hubby, I think the scariest one is the he dreamed about right after he was released from the worst moment of his life.. The memory of him hugging me and the kids and crying while telling his dream will always stuck in my mind for the rest of my life.. Who said guy can't cry..Even the toughest guy will cry if he dream something like that and I won't tell what is my hubby dream all about because the dream is him to tell not mine.

If nightmare exist so do sweet dreams and talking about sweet dream make me smiling like a an idiot.. Well, i think the sweetest dream I ever have so far is to meet and fall in love with the guy I have a big crush on when I am in secondary school but I won't mention who he was because it will embarrass me.. At least he fall for me in my dreams, hahahahaha.. As for my hubby, I guess the sweetest dream he ever have ( so far ) is winning a Jackpot in his dream!!!

 You see, nightmares and sweet dream is just a part of human life.. Yet nightmares can effected us badly if we are weak enough and sweet dreams can drift us away from reality if we let it be.. So, It's okay to have a nightmares and sweet dream as long as we always on reality checked.

Dusun language days for my kids !!

I feel that teaching Dusun language to my kids and hubby is one of my priority nowadays because i found out that they are really poor with it. I spoke mixed language ( malay + english + Dusun ) with them and i think it's not enough since they barely talk in Dusun though they understand it.

I ask my eldest son to answer me in Dusun language whenever I talk with them using Dusun but he said  " Mama, it's sound weird and funny ". Yet he did try talking in Dusun with me in the end after arguing with me. My 2nd son is the funniest one since he like to imitating me speaking in Dusun and then start asking me with his never ending question such as " why should he learn speaking in Dusun? ", " why he have to speak in dusun with his Odu?", " How come his mother, me can speak in Dusun very good?" and many more other question that will make me snapped at him sometimes.. I hope I can do better with my daughter and youngest son since they are still in early age and according to expert it's better if we teach them to excel in languages since early ages.

My husband is the worst because he refuse to speak in Dusun though he can understand it.. He said he is too old to start learning it but I know it's just an excuses since there is no limit in learning.. Maybe it's a bit difficult but if we keep on practice we can be good at it.. Hopefully i can persuade him to try speaking in Dusun sometimes with me. However i am proud because he did understand it..

As for me, I am still good with my Dusun language and I am very proud with it.. I want my kids to speak it because I don't want my mother tongue being forgotten by future generation.. Although my kids were not born in Sabah but my blood, Sabahan blood is in their blood and that make them one of Sabahan too.. I guess i need to be more persistent to courage my kids speak in Dusun.. For a start, i will fix some day in a week for dusun speaking only in my home so that my kids will know that i am serious with it.

Hopefully my kids can speak Dusun better after this...

INSOMNIA ATTACK...

Since last week, insomnia is attacking me again. I can't have a peaceful sleep during night and cause me to wake up with migrain and stress in the morning time due to lack of good night sleep. I am thinking of consume sleeping pills if this situation prolong but i know that it's not the best solution beside i don't like taking pills.

Insomnia is most frequently defined by an individual's report of sleeping difficulties or sometimes described as sleeping disorder demonstrated by polysomnographic of disturbed sleep.

Types of insomnia

Insomnia can be classified as transient, acute, or chronic.

1. Transient insomnia lasts for less than a week. It can be caused by another disorder, by changes in the sleep environment, by the timing of sleep, severe depression, or by stress. Its consequences - sleepiness and impaired psychomotor performance - are similar to those of sleep deprivation
2. Acute insomnia is the inability to consistently sleep well for a period of less than a month.
3. Chronic insomnia lasts for longer than a month. It can be caused by another disorder, or it can be a primary disorder. Its effects can vary according to its causes. They might include muscular fatigue, hallucinations, and/or mental fatigue; but people with chronic insomnia often show increased alertness.^[Some people that live with this disorder see things as if they are happening in slow motion, wherein moving objects seem to blend together. Can cause double vision.

Many expert suggested  attention to sleep hygiene is an important first line treatment strategy and should be tried before any pharmacological approach is considered. Pharmacological treatments have been used mainly to reduce symptoms in acute insomnia; their role in the management of chronic insomnia remains unclear. It's mean, we need to figure out what cause the insomnia before we can tackle it down and have a good night sleep and say bye to panda eyes..

I think i will skip the sleeping pills and try to figure out why did i have this sleeping problem 1st so that i can sort it out from my mind.. I guess it's must have something to do with my anxiety and stress-out mind due to my personal problem.

PIECE OF MY HEART..

I am writing this not because i want to humiliate anybody but i only want to express what i feel deep inside my heart before it take away my sanity and strength. for almost 10 years I have to live with betrayal and pain because i make the wrong choice in my life and i don't want any other girls out there make the same mistake.

I don't know how  i survived with all of those pain that i have through because some of it really traumatized me and broke my self senses from inside. I don't have anyone here in Malaya who can support me morally. I rather keep it in my heart than discuss it with any of my in law family because i learned from the past. My family live far away from me back at Sabah and the only connected us is telephone. My father is the who always there to listen to me pouring out all my heart before this but since he passed away 4 years ago, i don't any except my mother yet i don't want to burden her.

I don't want to mention who hurt me over and over again. whenever that person lost his temper, he will start threatening me and humiliate me in public with his attitude and words. He promise to change but he never did. I really want to be free from him but he is important to my family. I have sacrificed too much for him but he never appreciate any of it.

I pray to God to give me strength and patience but I am no angel and my patience is limited. I know one day i have to let him go and i hope by that time i am strong enough to do so.. I believe God is fair in everything. I have to admit that i have a foul mouth but i am not a bad person. I don't hold grunge because I let God do the punishment for me.