I Am Like A Flower

I am like a flower
Not sure of when I will die.
Not sure of when I will grow back again
When I am crushed with pain and cry.

I am not sure if I can hold myself up
When I ache with unbearable pain
What do I do when my petals fall off?
Do I go find them out in the rain?

What do I do when I'm not given enough water, to make it through the day?
What do I do when I look up in the sky?
And the sun doesn't show a ray?

I stand as tall as a flower would,
As long as I possible can.
I will stand and show my colors,
That is what I plan.

I may drupe and my petals may fall,
But that won't stop me from growing.
My love, honesty and beauty,
I will keep showing.

I am like a flower,
Strong and supreme.
I may be trampled on,
But I will never lose faith in my dreams. 

Poem Source : poetryamerica.com 

google image

What do you all think about the poem above? Do you really think you wanna be like a flower? I likes this poem but in reality I don't want to refer myself to a flower. I preferred myself to be like a tree or a coconut..Hahahaha, funny but I really do hope that I am like a coconut tree that useful even when it withered and dead. Yet, if I wanna be a flower, I want to be a white rose with thorn (a very sharp thorn indeed)that mirrored the pure and sincere personality yet strong enough to fight any intruder and obstacle.. (Hahaha, my hubby pretended to puke when he read this sentences)

However, I am happy with my being and I am grateful that I am human that gifted with mind to think and heart to feel. Well the poem above was just a beautiful metaphoric that pictured and described the thinking of the author and Gosh it's really  nice poem that able to lift up the spirit of a woman like me.

MY MEMORY with LITTLE FINGERS

MY MEMORY with LITTLE FINGERS

Due Date : End of April 2011

Tagged by me: Lenn

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HAHAHAHAHA.. Writing about memories is one of my passion.. I can write pages about it so don't get bored and kio! Thanks Just for tagging me along..Okay here we go! Chaiyo chaiyo everyone!

I have four kids that I love more than anything.. My memories with them are priceless that I will cherished for the rest of my life no matter it's a bitter or sweet memories.. If I got all the time in this world I loves to shared all of it but for this entry i will shared my memories with my youngest son..

After I gave birth of my daughter, I decided that I don't want more kids and told my hubby that 3 is enough.. But I a just another mere human being to planned but above all God is the one who decide what the  best for us.. I was shocked to find out that I am pregnant again when my daughter was just 7 year old. Frankly, I feel a bit ashamed and scared when I got the news because my hubby have to resigned due to his company bad economic situation and some misunderstanding with his superior. At that time, I have just found another job with better salary and it's really a bad time to found out about my pregnancy..

I didn't go to clinic to do the monthly checking due to my works demand beside I was just started working.. My family financial situation were really bad and in the end I have to quit my job to take care of my kids since the daycare where we sent our kids won't tolerate our late payment anymore.. I was 4 months pregnant at  that time and my health really in bad condition.. My hubby and I pleaded to the daycare manager but they won't listen to us no matter what the excuses

My 2nd son have to quit from attending the private kindergarten his brother used to attend due to our hardship to pay the expensive fee though the principal was against our decision. She said we can pay when we have money but my hubby was too proud to accept her offer.. After I quit from my job then only I went to the government clinic to do my monthly check-up.. My 1st check-up was okay, no problem and no complication except for my lack of hemoglobin in my blood..

However, I was shocked  when I was diagnosed with hypertension a.k.a high blood pressure during my 2nd visit while I am almost 6 month pregnant. They want to admit me to the ward for observation since my blood pressure is too high but I pleaded them not too and told them that maybe it was due to my family financial problem that stressed me up.. Such a relief when they allowed me to go home with condition where I must see the doctor whenever I feel dizzy..

However, I am not so lucky during my next appointment (7 months)where they admitted me to Hospital Serdang because of my high blood pressure.. I feel really bad to leave my kids with my hubby during that time since I know my hubby working day and night  to support our family and it;s mean he have to stay at home to take care of them.. I was discharged after 2 days at hospital with lots of medication. I hate pills but at that time I forced myself to consume all of those pills to make sure nothing bad will happen to me and my baby in my womb.

2 weeks later, I was admitted to the hospital again! This time the doctor want to hold me until I gave birth but I pleaded to them not to do so.. I explained my hard situation, hoping them to understand that maybe it's not as bad as they think it was, that my blood just risen due to my anxiety and pressure of thinking about my family situation.. At last they discharged me with warning..

2 weeks after that, on 7th may 2009, I was admitted again to hospital and this time I was going to give birth of my baby! I was 8 month ( ngam-ngam 32 weeks  ) at that time! I still remembered how scared I was and hoping that my hubby was with me.. I asked the nurse to call my hubby at his office to inform about my condition..

I was arrived at Hospital Serdang around noon and the doctor explained to me the situation that they have to force my labor because my blood pressure is too high even after they give me certain dose of medication. They said it was too dangerous for me and my baby to wait any longer. I asked them to do the best for my baby and me.. I was given the 1st dose of medication to expenditure my labor just after the doctor briefed me about my condition. After 2 hours, my delivery passage just opened about 3cm and my blood pressure risen drastically.. The doctor advised me to take the "epidural" before they give me the 2nd dose ( drugs to expenditure the labor ) to reduce the pain as well as to maintain my blood pressure.. I have to sign the permission paper all by myself because my hubby haven't arrived yet.

After 2 hours of the 2nd dose, the delivery passage were opened just about 6cm, far from the normal 10cm and they started to worry because I was getting weaker (my blood pressure is 200/95 )and my baby movement also lessen yet the heart beating still as strong as before. So they decided to give me the 3rd dose and after it if I still show no sign of giving birth then they will proceed with the caesarean as the last option.. All the time I prayed to God to give the baby and me the strength and I keep saying to my baby in my womb to be patient and stay with me..

Around 5.45pm, all of sudden I felt a sharp pain on my pelvis, so I called for the doctor and nurse. They rushed and checked on me and inform me to follow their instruction to push when they ask because I can't feel any pain or momentum that can signaled me to push like my past labor due to the epidural anesthetic they gave me. At that time I can barely hear them because i feel like fainting and everything around me got hazy and kinda blur but I still manage to follow their instruction and  give my all to push when they ask me.. Then, all I can remember was hearing my baby crying, the smell of blood,  the nurse voice saying " Haryati, open your eye. See you got a baby boy " and the seeing my baby face for the 1st time before I lost conscious.

When I opened my eyes again, I was still in the same room but with lots of wire attached to me and my flat stomach with panic.. Then the nurse came in with a bundle in her hand washed away all feel of insecurity in me. I asked the nurse what happened and the nurse said they almost lost me but miraculously I make it through yet they have to separate me from my baby for a day to observe my blood pressure.. Holding my baby in my arms and feeding him gave me all the strength and as always I cried and silently I thanked the almighty God for giving me chance to watch him grow up..

One & only pic I have of my 4th son - he was 2 days old

My baby was just 8 month when I gave birth of him but he was normal and okay.. He was born at 6.08pm on 7th May 2009 with 2.79kg in weight.. We spend another 2 weeks in the hospital because of my blood pressure.. Unlike his brothers and sister, he don't have G6PD.. He is such a adorable baby boy.. I don't have many picture of him taken when he was just a baby and all the pic I have of him taken by my sister in law ( thanks to them )..

I cherished all of my memories with every single of my pregnancy ( 4 kali tau ) but my last pregnancy with my prince of smiling, Eyas will be the one I remembered the most due to the difficulties and ordeal I been trough with my hubby at that time.. After I gave birth of my last baby, everything get better and better day after day.. My hubby  changed to be a better person, a better husband and most of all a wonderful father..

As for me, I thanks God for every single second he gave me in order  to watch and see my kids grow up especially my youngest son, my prince of smiling who always take away my pain and stress everytime I look into his smiling face..

Botak for the 1st time

He is photo friendly!

Smile that sparked my life

  

Eyas & me

 P/S:- Kan saya dah kata.. I can write long pages if it something about memories! 

        

April Fool Alert!

As always my hubby send me to my office. All of sudden he slapped his head and said, " Lupa la pula bagi tau awak.."

Puzzled, I asked," What's a matter? something happened? "

" Do you know that Datuk K was accident last night? " he told me with serious face.
" Parah pula tu.. " he added again.

" Datuk K, Siti's hubby? Betul ke? How do you know?" I asked him.
" Keluar berita la semalam. kat FaceBook pun dah heboh," he replied.
" Poor thing.. Last night, ada baca pasal siti dah pregnant. She must be devastated kan.." I said to him..

Then, I started talking about posting this stuff to my blog, FB etc.. My hubby smiled and said, " gotcha! "

I looked at him and said, " what? "
He laughed, " April Fool!" Then everything dawned to me. He pranked me! hahahaha

This is just an example of April Fool kind because there are lots of other prank that people can put you through on 1st April. I am lucky because my hubby never tried something extreme like giving a box of worm to as gift ( I will definitely faint if this ever happen! ) or put glue to my clothes and I can't imagine how hilarious things can be to some people who become the victim of sadistic / mean prank!

So be careful because you never know what people will tries to do to you on this April Fool!

Image source: Google Images

Insolent people turn me OFF!

Today while I was choosing my meal for lunch at Restoran Padi, I accidentally bumped into one of the restaurant worker who is on her way to serve Nasi ayam that cause her to spill some of the soup onto the table. I apologized because I know I am guilty too though it's her mistake for not watch her step while serving in rush only to get her death stares in return! 

I was so upset because apparently it was the worker mistake yet I was the one who is doing the apologizing thing only to received rude action in return.. She don't even utter a word like " it's okay" or may "takpe, saya pun salah". What a fool I am to expect such kindness! I feel humiliated because I am the customer & she didn't even show any respect to me as a customer. At that time I can feel my anger bubbled up & I almost exploded but I thankfully I managed to contain my anger though in my mind I already started cursing WTF.. ( muka merah suda menahan marah )

My hubby noticed my angerness, so he persuaded me to ignored the incident & calm down but how can I just ignore it when people showing bullshit manner in return of sincere apologize? Yet, I sat down & ate my lunch without enthusiasm like I always have when I eating.. Even great food turn tasteless after facing such manner..

One of people behavior that really pisses & turn me off is insolently! 

I know I can't expect all people to be kind towards me. But, C'mon in this case I am their customer & in business world customer should get some respect! The worker was lucky because she bumped on me ( I am not hostile person ).. I wonder what would happened if she bumped onto someone who is less patience & hostile.. 

"For those who are on the roof become insolent as they don't know yet about the slope and the slipperiness of the roof!" »Mehmet Murat ildan

 What do you do when you are in my place?

Note :-

• My moody heart cheered up by my ex-colleague who happened to buy lunch at the same restaurant. He paid our bill as treat for us & how can i prolong my moody heart after such kindness.. Thank you Navin!
• Hopefully the worker will learn some manner in future

Morning therapy with my mom!

This morning I call  my mother to pour out my heart out about my 2nd son.. Last night I punished him because he lost his class timetable and exercise books.. Moreover, my eldest son complained to me that he always wandered alone back at school !

Sometimes my kids behavior especially my 2nd son always cause me headache and sometimes will turn me into "step-mom".. My mother said I need to use different way to approach each of my kids since they are different in characteristic and behavior and I guess she is right after all.. My mother said parenting done with softness is better than that with harshness because harshness only cause bitterness in kids character.. The bond between children and parent is much more strong if we use a softer approach to tackle their misbehavior.

Calling my mother really worth my phone bills because I  know I can  rely on her to advise me.. She is my top idol beside my father!I hope I can figure out my kids character and find the way to advise them in more effective way than punishing them to regret later..