HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY !!! Story of my eldest son

His name is Ilhan Rafiq, born on 19th July 2002 at Mutiara Maternity Centre. He was born while I am still struggling with my study at UKM. When I found out that I was conceiving with my eldest, I was so ashamed,scared and devastated. I almost quit from pursuing my study and even considered to abort him but I am very lucky to have such a great family especially my beloved parent who never give up on me though I was the one who tarnished my family image. 

Looking into his eyes for the 1st time after gave birth of him really a moment to cherish. I still remember the emotion of being a mother for the 1st time.. He was really cute and adorable. I am glad that I gave birth of him. If people want to condemn anyone, let me be the one who bear it because he is innocent. I was the sinful one. 

He give me purpose and strength to continue my study and my life. I ignore all of those condemnation stares and glares from my peers and keep my head up to my future. In my mind I stick one phrases " Past is past. I can't change it but i can determine and set a new and better future for me and my son". 

He have through a lot of trouble with me. I still remember when I have to ask my friends help to take care of him while i am taking my examination because nobody taking care of him. We went off to UKM by my husband scooter early in the morning.. It's really an hour freezing and long journey for a 11th month old baby. I am very thankful to my friend ; Claire Andrew and Claire "Kerry" Fabian for taking care of him all of those time. They are among those people who never look down on me but keep encouraging me from time to time. 

He was the one who really excited to have his baby brother. He said at last he have a friend to play with. He loves his brother dearly though they always pick up with each other. He was the one inpatient to see his baby sister. I still remember his blabbing about his baby sister. 

I really regret because he never meet my beloved father, his grandfather in person. I was planning to bring him to my hometown so that my father will know him better but my father passed away before i manage to. Fate always crossed my way.

He shared a lot of bad and good times with me. He saw all of the misery i been through. He was even the one who always console me every time I cried and upset. Sometimes i was so mean to him but he never blamed me and he took everything i did as a punishment.

He is a shy boy. He  loves sucking his thumb finger. I ask him once why? he said , sucking his finger calming him. He is brilliant and clever boy. He likes dreaming.. I saw him once talking to himself while watching his father aquarium yet he was not talking by himself, he was creating a story of his  own. When i think back, it's really funny and i really hope i can catch the moment in video..

My dearest son, Mama might seem harsh, strict, mean sometime to you but above all Mama love you very much. Mama hope you will grow up to be a useful, good and responsible gentleman. May God always with you and blesses the journey of your life..

" HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY!"

A Mother's Fear, A Mother's Love..

Yesterday I read an article from The Star Sunday about a confession from a teenage girl on her sexual activities. The article really shocked me and opened my eyes to the reality that youngster behavior and lifestyle nowadays really have changed into something that we should called morality catastrophe.The teenager admitted that sex is no longer a hidden topic but it was something happened everyday and everywhere especially among teenagers.

As a mother, the fear i feel for my kids future is something real and i believed parent out there also feel the same insecurity because of the growth of social issues. Reading those article really dreaded my mind and heart because i have a baby girl who will grow up and I don't want  her to involved in any unhealthy activities. I have told my hubby about my fear for my kids especially for my daughter and despite of his assurance that he will always watch out for our daughter I still have the fear..

At office i always think of them because i am afraid that they will choose a bad friend who can influence them into doing something horrible. I wish i have an extra eye so that i can watch them all day long and night. But I m just a mere human and all I can do is praying to the Almighty one to watch over them for me..

As a mother who once a teenager i admitted that i have done mistake but i learn from my mistake and now it's my responsibility to ensure that my kids won't do the same mistake i have done. Now i understand my beloved parent feeling all of those year i have put them on misery especially my father.. I want the best for my kids and I will  never ever hate them or cast them away though they might did some mistake.. If they lost in their way, I will always by their side to guide them back to the track..

Internet Love Scam..., Don't Let Yourself Become A Victim

Internet love scam is not a new issue in Malaysia. For the past few years a lot of such cases involved internet love scam which is conducted by Nigerian syndicate was been reported and to our surprise it's still prolong till now despite of the warning from local authority and government.

The latest victim was a professor from Sarawak. In her report , she said her net love posed as a handsome British men who have a very successful career and looking for the right person to be his life partner or in other word a wife. She lodged a report after she didn't received her parcel from the "British men" after she banked in the payment into required from a female caller who claimed that she is a officer from custom department. Last night the Nigerian syndicate was busted by our local authority after they traced the owner of the account bank who turned to be a local female citizen in which the victim banked in the payment. If i am not mistaken, 8 Nigerian and 1 local female was arrested. That's a good job done by our police department and we should be thankful to them for bringing down another group of heartless criminal who played with heart and love.

Then i was remember that i did once encounter a guy from Tagged who posed as a British man from wales but working at Japan as a electronic engineer who called himself as Jeff Joe. Ironically, despite of me telling him that i m just looking for friendship, he keep courting me online using a very sweet talk, so i just follow his flow and let him think that i have fallen into him. Then after few weeks chatting via MSN, he ask for my address so i give him fake one. I am not stupid and i am well aware about internet love scam. I just want to know how far he gonna do.

Few days after giving him my fake address and  my real contact number, he told me that he already shipped a package for me using courier services named as United Cago Services. He even give me the link to those courier service website to check on the parcel he sent to me and my password to check the parcel route.. Here is the link---> http://www.unitedcagoservices.page.tl/home.htm

He sound really convincing and touching when he told me what he sent to me and why he sent it, so no wonder other woman especially those who longed for a gentleman and not alert to the latest scam and fraud happened online will fall for him. Then I received a call from a foreign guy who claimed he is united cago services delivery agent in Malaysia to inform me that the parcel already arrived at KLIA and will undergo security check. You know what the guy sound like a African or Nigerian!!! I just okay to him because i am curious what will happened next.

Then i received an email from the delivery agent not from the courier services itself asking me to make payment of RM1505 for Gov tax (RM655) and custom duty (RM850) into an CIMB account number. I really wished i saved that email but since it was in my junk email then it was discarded already. In a mean while Jeff Joe keep in touch with me via MSN asking me about the parcel progress. So i told him that the parcel was arrived at Malaysia already but i couldn't afford to pay the amount asked by the delivery agent. I asked him to pay the amount for me and guess what, he give me thousand excuses including the unacceptable one like the courier service accept cash only.

So i told this British man that I am well know about shipping things because my company also deals with import export and all payment is made on delivery not before delivery and  i never heard of any courier services such as united cago services and the link he gave to me is not a website. So i told him i want to ask my friend from police department to check on the problem. Guess what, he panicked and ask me not to do anything. He said he will come to Malaysia by himself to settle the parcel problem..

Since that day i never heard any from him anymore.. It seem like he disappeared just like that.. But  I am happy and glad because I am one of those woman who manage to survive from being a victim to internet love scam. Thanks to my alertness to global and local issues. But I am bit sad because i did not no anything to prevent them from finding other victims. I mean I should tell the authority about it.

Woman especially widowed, single and loner should be more careful with online dating. Don't let yourself become another victim of internet love scam. I understand that online dating is something fun but don't let yourself carried away by it. Like I always said, use your brain not your gut and lust.

- Article from The star ( part of )

"A lonely person who receives attention via the Internet or face-to-face will be extremely vulnerable, and this can develop into a more serious relationship,” said Jaques from Integrated Psychological Network Sdn Bhd.

People fall for nice words. Lonely people will be more vulnerable to nice but empty promises.”
 
- Article from The Strait Times, Singapore

Advice from police
Members of public are advised to be aware of such scams and to adopt the following measures:
Take extra caution in befriending strangers on the internet.
1-Do not make any bank transfer payment for bail or fine. The authorities do not require any such transfer of  money.
2-Do not entertain emails or any online messages that are unfamiliar to you.
3-A culprit might spend months building rapport online before asking for money. Even if you think you know this person well, consider that you really do not know anyone from your communications over the Internet - you just know the way he/she chooses to present himself online.

FACEBOOK AND MORALITY DOWNFALL.

 Last Sunday I read an article from The Star ( mStar) which indicated that Facebook is the major causes in martial problem which lead to divorce etc.
Read more here >> Isteri Curang gara-gara Facebook

I am not really agreed with those article and other article that put their blame on Facebook due to various morality problem arisen lately.

To me, Facebook is just another media technology and we as a human gifted with brain should know how to control ourselves from being the victim of our own foolishness.. It's us who used and abused social web such as Facebook into something horrible and immorality.

I am one of Facebook user and so far I found that Facebook is a good and decent web social compared to other existed social web. I am grateful  indeed because of Facebook I can keep in touch with my family member and friends from Sabah..

However, that's my opinion solely and it's up to individual to express their idea and opinion.. For above article author, he/she was just writing down his/her idea and i respected their idea and observed some of it in my own daily life.. I am a wife and a mother and i know my limit when i use web social such as Facebook..

When a morality problem or catastrophe happened we cannot blame Facebook or any other social.. The only person we can blame is us, ourselves for using all of those technology without boundaries which lead us into something malicious stuff. We got a brain to think and consider, so why not using it.. Don't lost your brain to your gut and lust...

Football mania + Workaholic..

I am big fan of football.. My family is big fan of football indeed..

Since the 1st day of world cup, I  rarely get enough sleep because of watching most of the match..

My eyes have a ugly eye-bag and i looked like a panda already..

However, i am really amazed with myself because never once did i skipped from working.. 

I love working... my hubby said i am workaholic... I guess my hubby is right.. I hate skipping from work and nothing can deter me from come to office except it is concerning with my kids.. 

I am football mania and workaholic... I am not ashamed to admit this... 

                           

What's Wrong With Him???

I am worried with my 2nd son behavior and condition for the past few days.. He was a very energetic and active boy before this.. He can't seem to sit and stay calm in one place for few sec and he likes to touch and observing things around him..He likes to ask thousand question about everything he saw that it's really irritated me sometimes with his continuously question.. However , for the past few days  he is so quite and weak..

I asked him what's wrong,  but he say nothing.. I even asked him whether he feel unwell but he say he's fine.. I am out of clue what is wrong with him ... I feel something missing without his babbling and thousand question.. There must be a reason for his change of behavior.. Maybe i missed something and i need to find out why he behave like this..

His present attitude really make me upset with myself.. I don't know what to do so that he can return to his normal self.. I don't like seeing him like this... Our home feel  like not home without his story and laughter..

I am not a good mother :(

I have to admit that i am not a good mother. I love my kids though i m not very good in showing my feeling to them. My eldest sons once complained to me that i am very strict and mean to them and his complain make me feel utterly horrible with myself.. 

Since that day i am trying my best to change my attitude toward them especially with my eldest son, Ilhan Rafiq.. He is almost 8 years old and i know that during this stage of ages he is emotionally changing and i don't want my attitude affect his development in a bad way..

However my eldest son already show some sign of bad character in him such as laziness and stubbornness and i feel responsible to change this character in him. I read a lot in finding a way to change this bad character that seem become his habit and practicing it but so far nothing work..

I feel hopeless and always think that i am not a good mother.. But i won't give up..I will try my best to change him so that no one will blame for not trying in future..

Happy Dumpling Festival 2010..

My boss, Mr Alfred Cheng come to office a bit late than usual this morning.. I guess he must be busy with dumpling festival which is celebrate today.. 

I guess today the phone will it rest since all the customer will be busy with this festival.. Maybe i should tell you a bit about Dumpling festival..

Dumpling Festival is celebrate on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month, honoring scholar-poet Qu Yuan who took his life by jumping into  a river due to the king refusal on taking his advise that lead to terrible war..

Custom and tradition plays a huge roles in every malaysian's life, regardless of ethnic or religion backgrounds. It's also differ our country from other country and we should proud of it..

 I enjoy every single festival or celebration that being celebrated in Malaysia such as Hari Raya, Deepavali, Thaipusam, Chinese New Year, Christmas Etc. 

 Well, i guess that's all i can jot down for now.. So, Happy Dumpling Festival 2010!!!!!!!!!

"Tagged" GOOD or BAD??? You Decide...

It's been a while since last time I updated my blog entry.Actually i have a lot of stuff that i want to share but it's all mixed up in my mind and I don't have a free time to sort it out and make a good story..My last entry was about "Tagged", a social web that I have used for a month now and I decided to write more about this social web, so let start..

In a month I have almost 400 friends and most of them are male, aged between 18-40 years old.. I have tried to add female friends but only few of them accepted my request.. Initially I was wondering why but eventually I got my answer after I did some research..

Most of the male user of Tagged did not used their  own picture/image. They either used model/actor picture or inappropriate image.Female user normally used their own picture but most of the picture were very sexy and some o them even posed in their bra and panties only..

Using a glamorous ID/username is normal in any kind of social web but it's even weirdo in Tagged.. I don't even know why they used such ID because I can't even pronounce some of their ID..I was browsing through some Tagged user profile and i was shocked because there were a lot of inappropriate background that been used and i was wondering why those user were not banned or removed by "Tagged" since in their terms and condition was stated that inappropriate/Pornography image/sentences/statement/etc were prohibited and anyone who did so considered violence against the term and condition and will cause the user to be banned or removed, yet so far there were a lot of inappropriate stuff been used  by Tagged user and no action was taken..

Since most of my Tagged friends were male user, so i will describe what kind of male friends i have got from Tagged. Well most of the male user will start the conversation with normal and polite question such as hi, how are you? What's your name? How old are you? Are you married? Can we be friends?? However, once they get comfortable they will start the flirt and talk about sex thing and other dirty talks.. I was shocked 1st time one of them start talking dirty to me.. He said i won't find online friend unless i was feel lonely and needed someone to satisfied my need..My gosh, that was really incredulous..I am so mad and pissed off because of what they think.. It's seem like they have set on their mind that whoever looking for online friends is a desperado person..what a shallow mind they got..

I opened Tagged account to know and get more friends.. I am not searching any kind of thing such as an affair or what so ever.. It's really irritated me to repeat the same thing to all of my Tagged friends.. I don't care if  they want to remove me from their friend list since i won't die if i lost friend that have a shallow and dirty mind.. I am grateful instead..But some of them are good people and accepted the fact that not all female Tagged user is looking for such thing and i can't hardly blame the male user for thinking so because most of the female user were looking for those stuff and some of them even advertising themselves. What a shamed!!

To me, it's up to individual to determine what they want to achieve through this kind of social web.. I used Tagged to get more friends and shared story of life.. I really hope that my tagged friends will respect my intention as much as i respect theirs.. I just like knowing people characters and behavior through this social web and i did learn a lot of people character and mind set and it's give me realization that human can be worst than a beast sometime ...

we can't blame technology for morality catastrophe and down fall because technology don't have a brain.. It's was invented merely to help improve human life.. As a human gifted with brain, we supposed to use it for good and we shouldn't let technology over-power our sense and sensibility..

There are a lot of stuff about tagged i likes to share but i guess that's all for now..

let's " TAGGED"!!!

Last week really a wonderful yet hectic week for me. I get to know another social web called " TAGGED ".
 This social web is more interesting ( to my opinion ) because of the game which they called "pets"..

After I signed-up, i got 12 new friends instantly but they are foreigners who looking for serious relationship instead of regular relationship..

To me, the foundation of ever-lasting relationship is honesty, so i m honest to them from the very beginning when i told them all that i am looking for friendship only..

Anyway, thanks to my hubby for let me know about this social web.. I hope i can make a lot of new friend via these social web..

Well, anyone out there who haven't heard about this social web, have a look yourself and it's up to you to judge whether it's good or not..