Story Of My Past

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim...

As I promised, though it took me sometime to publish and here is my story of my past.. It's not detailed but it I hope it enough to give you all a glimpse of my past that not as good as your..

Pic By Mr.google

I don't really know where should I begin but I think it's better if I give you all a glimpse of myself; attitude/ behavior/ personality when I was younger. I am the youngest in my big family and the closest one to my father that some people said I was over-pampered by him. I excelled in my study since I was in primary school and finished my secondary school with good result during SPM 1999, though not as I targeted. I was a stubborn, tomboyish girl who never give a damn about stuff that normal teenager might involved and often bragging about not getting married especially not with Malay guy..Ironically, I end up with a Malay guy..Life is so unpredictable..

I never parted from my family especially my parent and pursuing my study at Matriculation college in KK was my very 1st experience being separated from them though every weekend I went back to Ranau. That was also my 1st experience to mix with new circle of friends that more worldly and exposed to the outside world than my friends back in Ranau. I was amazed at their level of knowledge about world/stuff that I fast became their friend. In fact the the name "Molly" was given to me by one of them. I was too close with my new friend that I almost forgot my childhood best friend, Falinah (Ellow) and at one time we quarreled over trivial matter that make us enemy for quite sometime  (I am sorry again for that stupid quarrel, Ellow) though we are good now. You see, I was so naive about lots of stuff and being a teenager I was too curious that I want to know more and want to learn more about stuff, positively or negatively. At that time I was already addicted to the MIRC and befriended lots of  people from virtual world..(Some of them still in contact with me until now)

My parent especially my father trusted me completely because I never did anything reckless in my life before. I finished my matriculation in just a year then got an offer from UKM to pursue my study in Chemical Technology. I was devastated actually because UKM was my last choice which I filled up in my UPU form (1st until 4th option was UMS). I didn't want to go that far when UMS is just 2 hours from my hometown but my father and family seem happy to let me go. Mad and devastated with them, I got drunk with my ex-schoolmate and make a scene at my village on that particular night to show my protest . Luckily, nothing serious/ bad happened to me because my ex-schoolmate took really good care of me and send me back home in good condition..(Thanks again Giwin) I can't imagine what would happened to me if only he took advantage of me..(palis2)  That was my 1st time being reckless and foolish yet my family still trusted me because they understood how scared I was to separated with them.

I was not ready to face the new world of Peninsular Malaysia yet I went there, mentally unprepared of the new people and lifestyle over there. I was given the key of my freedom and stupidly I vowed to use it with vengeance..Really stupid of me.. 2 month later I got to know my hubby via chat-world channel in MIRC. He was using 'Burger King' as his username and I remembered that I was the one who hit on him 1st for using those username. We quarreled online but then after sometime we became friend, exchange number until one day we decided to meet up at my hostel area at Kolej Rahim Kajai, UKM. After that we became closer though we never meet again until July 2001. He called me everyday, asking about me and I guessed that was why I melted into him. I was so engrossed and blinded by my new founded feeling that I forgot about my family and my promise with my father. 

Pic By Mr. Google

Ashamedly, I admitted that I lost everything to my hubby because my mind defeated by my own lust and curiosity. Yep, I was one of those stupid young woman who gave up everything she got because of thing so-called LOVE but in my case it never really about that. It was just me being stupid, naive and blind over sweet word and promise when the truth were I never really know what love is and my hubby background that well. he introduced me to his family and I get along very well with my MIL who told me and warned me about his past, that he might not serious about me at all. She said my hubby might just want to get revenge for being dumped by his former girlfriend from Philippines. I was so scared after I knew about his past and at the same time I found out that I was pregnant. I was torn apart.. It felt like tons of brick fall upon me..

I don't have anyone to confide with.. I couldn't tell my family because I know they will surely hate me and condemn me. I was too ashamed to tell my friends because I know they will call me fool or worse they might labeled me as slut. It crossed my mind to do abortion just to hide my sin but I couldn't because I don't want to commit bigger sin than I already did. I don't want to be amongst those heartless people who aborted and dumped their baby. I want to I keep the baby because I love him already. I keep my distance from my family and friends because I was afraid of what they gonna do and think of my pregnancy. At last I told my hubby about it and I was bit relief because he promised to take responsibility and I stay with his sibling during my semester break(1st year) but my big brother came looking for me at my MIL home (Kajang) and took me back to my hometown. 

Back there my family insisted me to do medical check-up and I told my mother about my condition and manage to cover my condition with lies. I persuaded her to kept it secret until I return to KL and she did so. She only told my father about it when I already in KL and my father call me right away, asked me to come back, that nobody will hate me no matter what happened but I was already smitten/committed by my hubby promises that I turned my back against my father and hurt him terribly. I converted into Islam and got married without my father consent. I betrayed my father trust and tarnished my family good reputation. It really such a shock for my father since I was the center of the family and he love me the most amongst his children. I thought that I was no longer have place in my family heart. I am the black sheep in the family. I am the thorn that sting them.

As I thought I made the right choice, that my life will be better but I thought wrong because I never felt true happiness. I always shadowed by my guilt toward my family. I cannot live in peace because day after day I was haunted by my mistaken over turning my back against my family and hurting them. I didn't ask fro their forgiveness and worse I didn't contact them because I thought they hate me and they were angry at me. Everyday I thought of them and cried. At last, when I  no longer stand it, I make myself strong and called my parents, asking for their forgiveness and blessing. I told them everything and guess what? My family especially my father still love me even after all I have done. They forgave me despite of the hurt and humiliation I put them through. YES, I am blessed for having such a wonderful family..My father said, no  matter what happened I am still their beloved daughter..

When I 1st learned of my pregnancy, I thought that the end of my study, my life. I was so afraid of what kind of future would I have if I don't finished my degree. I want to prove that I might strayed but I can excelled in my study..Most young woman might quit studying if they were in my condition but I ignored peoples sneer and negative stare and continue my study after I gave birth of my son. I know there were nothing I can do to mend the damage I caused in my family but I wanted to redeem myself by showing them that I will get my degree and indeed I got it.. 

You see, this story is kind of story you've heard and familiar with but to me who experience and been there, it something that I treasure because the experience had taught me lots about life and it meaning. Yes, it was not something I am proud about because it show how weak I was to temptation but still I am proud with myself because I survived and able to raise again from my fall though my achievement is not as great as other.

 

Actually the story still far from ended but I only have permission to reveal this far.. The rest of it concerned with my marriage and it is private..

To all young woman out there who did the same mistake as I did, please don't make bigger sin than you already commit.. Allah is merciful and forgiving.  

Happy Monday and Happy working!

P/S: To me, it is okay to glance back to our past once in while, just to remind us about the significant lesson we learn from it..=)

4 TRESemmé Fresh Start Dry Shampoo

This post brought to you by TRESemmé. All opinions are 100% mine.

Dry Shampoo? Seriously (*frowning)? Guess I need to tell you what is it all about huh though I rarely use one..(*Winking)

Okay, dry shampoo is suitable for you, yes YOU as a quick fix on those mornings where you are either too lazy or don't have time to wash you hair. With an easy application, it can absorb the excess oil/sebum from your hair and leaving it looking refreshed and vibrant.

TRESemmé Fresh Start Dry Shampoo  offer a complete line of dry shampoos that revive your style’s look and feel on days you skip a shampoo which uniquely formulated to absorb excess oil and remove odor, the full line of dry shampoos rejuvenates hair without a drop of water. The line also contained with a renewing burst of citrus extracts infused into every product, it leaves hair with a clean, fresh scent.

Check out the full line of this dry shampoo brand:-

1. Strengthening Dry Shampoo: The formula, with B12 vitamins and keratin, helps strengthen hair and leaves it full of healthy body.
2. Volumizing Dry Shampoo: The formula, with mineral clay and citrus, removes oil while injecting hair with salon-gorgeous volume.
3. Smoothing Dry Shampoo: The formula, with Vitamin H & Silk Proteins, refreshes your straight style by removing excess oil, impurities and odor to ensure your smooth look lasts
4. Moisturizing Waterless Foam Shampoo: The formula, with Witch Hazel, Citrus, and Aloe Vera, refreshes your hair by removing excess oil, impurities and odor while moisturizing hair.

For those who is new to this product, check out tips and trick below on how to use  to get the best results from TRESemmé Fresh Start Dry Shampoo:

- Do shake vigorously before use and in between spray bursts for best results.

- Do lift sections of dry hair and spray lightly at roots

- Do spray in short bursts, holding 8-12 inches from head

- Don’t spray it like hair spray (all over and continuously)

- Do leave in for 1-2 minutes.

- Do use fingertips or a brush to distribute product evenly

- If clogging occurs, remove nozzle and rinse the nozzle under warm water, then reattach.

As easy as A,B,C isn't it? And for your information Celebrity, Julia Allison has teamed up with TRESemmé and created a tutorial to teach people how to use TRESemmé Fresh Start Dry Shampoo and she is also giving away a $500 Gift Card to Target to a lucky viewer - So, let check out her Video Tutorial and win some cash! :-

Wordless Wednesday #8

Guest Blogger : 'Meeting Up'

Click here To Join

This topic caught my attention right after I login to my blog.. At 1st I thought it was another blogger meet up and can't help myself from being jealous.. Then I find that it is a virtual meeting and can't help myself envied the Cath-J for thinking such brilliant segment. Brillante! Count me in too okay... If You all want to know the details of this segment, do visit Cath-J site---> HERE

Well, the task of this segment is quite simple and I enjoy myself venturing the polyvore site because there are lots of attire from various type of brand and style! I thought I it will only take few minutes for me to create entry for this segment but it stretched to few hours because I just can't decided which attire I want to wear for this virtual meet-up! Okay, before I continue with my babbling, check out the segment theme/storyboard 1st:-

It’s a ladies outing.. assume that we are good friends (Something like the girls on Sex And The City movie) and we want to meet up at 1 of the nice fancy bar and restaurant on the evening.. But before that we are going to shop at some nice boutique 1st.

I have such a fun time mix-matching my outfit for Cath-J Blogger Guest Segment: 'Meeting Up'. I like most of the outfit and I just can make up my mind on which one because all of it really look nice and pretty.. Hubby keep asking "lama lagi ke??!!" and keep checking on me while me keep asking him, "This one sesuai tak Ling?" 

Wokies..Enough with the my babbling, now check out my picked outfit fot this meet-up... TADAAAA!!!

Virtual Meet-up Outfit by hyatimolly featuring cotton pants

Striped top
$13 - stylesforless.com

Dorothy Perkins cotton pants
£30 - dorothyperkins.com

Miu miu heels
$585 - miumiu.com

Gucci shoulder handbag
$2,190 - saksfifthavenue.com

Fine diamond jewelry
$27,300 - solomonbrothers.com

Bony Levy 18 karat gold ring
$2,835 - nordstrom.com

Juicy Couture bow jewelry
$48 - juicycouture.com

Star jewelry
£18 - talullahtu.co.uk

Burberry Sheer Luminous Compact Founda



  I am ready with my outfit,so see you all there !!!!!!

Letting Go

I suppose to post this during my return to my beloved village on 17th until 20th September but due to the poor Digi broadband/3G/Internet connection at my village I have to hold it until I return to KL. I thought I want to post it yesterday but I don't have those 'FREE' times because well you know, load of work at home and office waiting for me. So I only manage to post this after I sort out all of those tasks which is today.. I do realize that this month I rarely update my blog, missed to post entry for WW and I missed my blog-hopping since last week.. Haiya, I have not finish the story of my past yet!! However, I will try to finish it before end of this month and for now let hear out why I did not go back to my village for such a long time...

Image credited to google.com

Yep, I went back to my village on 17th until 20th Sept, alone because I need to do it by myself.. I can't describe the feeling of happiness and relief because after almost 5 years delaying and finding excuses, I find the strength to face and accept the fact of my father death. For years I dwell in my grief and refuse to go back home because I know going back there will definitely remind me of my father 'absence' though I miss my mom very much. I keep in my mind that my dad is still there in my village waiting for me and if I dont go back he will be always there waiting  for me..

Yes, that was me running away from the reality and living in the world of my own creation. For years my mom persuaded me to come home but I am too scared of the truth that will crash down my world of creation. I always make excuses from going back when the truth is I was just can't accept the fact.

Last year my big bro said this to me,  "Nung, how long you gonna run from the fact? Our dad is gone but our mom is still there waiting for you! Do you think dad can rest in peace if he know his beloved daughter live in denial of his death and cannot let him go? Do you think he can rest in peace if he know you ignore our mom plea because you refuse to accept the fact? Mom is getting older and always sick. She miss you so much.. You don't want the history to repeat right?"

 

My big bro advice hit my wall of defense and rock my world to its core.. I dont want the history repeat itself and I want my father soul rest in peace. Though it was very hard for me but after being counseled and advice by certain people, I decided to go back ..When I arrived at KKIA (terminal 2) I have the same feeling that I have 5 years ago on 25th Sept 2006, messy but this time I don't have those anticipation that the news of my father death was lie and he will be there to greet, hug and talk to me because I know he is no longer there..  

I have thru many obstacle but my father death really make me lost my way.. I blame myself for his death. He suffered a lot because of my mistake. I knew I hurt him.. I was the last person informed by my family about my father death and that was one of reason I feel so damn angry and  hurt.. I was the last person among my sibling who arrived at my village and I only manage to see his face for like few minutes before they buried him. I couldn't touch him and all I can see was his face through the glass pane on his coffin.. At that time I set my mind that he was just sleeping, that he not yet dead.. When I returned to KL, I started to create my own world that effected my health, my work and almost lost my sanity.. Only after I gave birth of my daughter that I rebuild my career yet I still running from the fact of my father death.. Lot of people thought that I was okay because I am very good at hiding my sadness and misery.. Whenever people talked about my father, I turned deaf to them and I ignored any statement that will brought up my father absence..Then I will cried in darkness every time I thought of him.. Might sound really silly for some people but I really did that because I was unable to grasp my father sudden death.. For years I live like that until those words of my big bro hit me and make me realize of my stupidity..

After those advice of my big bro, I talked with certain people and they said I must letting go and forgive myself and the best way is to go back to where the reality awaiting to be acknowledge by me and this time I am ready to letting go..I feel better after I go back to my hometown, talked to my mother and let go every single reason that caused me refusing to accept my father death starting with forgiving myself.. I am not saying that I will let go everything about him because I am holding our memory close to my heart as a reminder of him.. I knew my father will always watching over me.. 

Really sorry if I bored you all with this sad story of mine but I want to share about how important to let go of something that bugged and sadden our life because life is so short to dwell in such grief and everyone will die and everything will come to end sooner or later.. I really hope you can learn something from this story of mine.. Until next post, Good day Everyone!..

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pic post testing..

Happy Moon Cake/Mid-Autumn Festival 2011!

Nomm..Nomm..Nomm..
Yep, I am gonna have lots of moon cake today and that's mean my mouth won't stop chewing, nope not until I have enough of them.. It's a delicacy that I won't miss every year because it's so yummy..There various type of moon cake but I love them all as long as it's free from pork or any forbidden ingredients..

I don't celebrate this festival but it doesn't mean I don't enjoying myself during this festival especially it's come with delicacy such as moon cake. I guess lots of people out there enjoying this festival too, right? Frankly and sincerely I am really proud that I was born as Malaysian and live in Malaysia who have a colorful culture and festival. Ya, we Malaysian don't have to travel far away to China just to feel and enjoy the Festival of Moon Cake since we too have all of that here in Malaysia, aren't we??

Image By craftpassion.com

 It's seem like today gonna be a wonderful working day after all..(*wink2).. I just love makan2 time! Okay, time to resume eating.. Happy Monday, Happy working & Happy Moon Cake Festival!

Happy & Sad Sunday

Yeah, as always I am tremendously happy but at the same time I am sad as well. I am happy because it's Sunday and it mean I can wake a bit late and 'lugai2' at home with my family but I am sad because it's mean weekend will be over soon and tomorrow is Monday already..(*sigh)
I like working, of course but still I love spending time with family as well..
Just some update about the story of my past; I still working on it's draft and I do hope that I can post it very soon. Since it also have something to do with my hubby, I asked his permission before I start with my draft of it. He too think that sharing our past is kind of responsiblity so that youngster can learn something from it. To tell the truth I am nervous because people may hate me after reading it. So, I really hope that people can see to the brighter side of the story..
Okay, need to go back to my notepad and continue with my drafting. Wish you all a very happy Sunday!
P/S : have to prepare simple dish for my kids friend before get back to my notepad.. Kids never stop beraya right...

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I Am Still Here!

ASSALAMUALAIKUM and HELLO everyone!

Yeah, I am still here in blogging world though for the past few weeks my appearance is like Chipsmore.. You know, "now you see, now you don't!"..LOL.. 

Although I don't have enough time to post my miles long entry, I still have time blog-hopping to read your entry and keep up to date about the my blogger friend.. 

1st of all, CONGRATS to Stella for her new addition in family and welcome to club of motherhood! Her baby is so cute that I feel like I want another baby..Ngehehehe!

I really adore newborn babies! Just looking at their innocent face  make my heart, mind & soul calm.. Sometimes I wonder why people who doesn't like babies exist. Well, you know people who dump their baby and people who hurt their baby...

2ndly, I want to inform you all about my intention to write about my past. If you all noticed, I always mention that I have done mistakes in the past. Mistake that change my life 360 degree. I am doing this not to re-live my past, not even to attract people attention, but I am doing this as a responsibility toward our future generation so that they will not repeat the same mistakes I have done. As Malay proverb " Yang Baik Jadikan Tauladan, Yang Jahat Jadikan Sempadan". 

Some people might said it's like "membuka pekung di dada" but to me it's just me sharing the truth about my past mistake. No use to hide the truth when we know that sooner or later people will found out eventually.

I guess, that's all I want to let you all know for now.. So, one thing for sure is I am always be here in blogging world, either as a loyal reader or blogger, so don't forget my existence..Hahahahaha!

Happy Working & Happy Friday everyone!

Wordless Wednesday #7