The Price I Pay

It's Monday again and here I am trying to crack my blur mind of new story/idea to share with people out there (*winking). But honestly, I miss to write something in this blog of mine.. Not much to share about my ordinary life but I do have something that I need opinion from you people. It's something related to the title of this post, so bear with me & keep reading ok!

1st of all, million thanks for those who leave comment/opinion in my previous post about dilemma of married woman. I really appreciate your generosity for sharing your thought and good news is I already figure out how to convince my mom. I also figure out how to fulfill my dream and at the same time avoid prejudice from certain people. Well, instead of traveling alone I think it more safe and fun if I travel with either my husband or my friends/ families. Wise thinking & good choice right? Self appraising huh.. (*rolling on floor laughing) My mom have no objection once I told her that! I guess she is just worry about my safety when traveling alone (*smiling). Issue solved, next problem please! Kada kotogod kio ambalut.. (^_^) V

Recently I noticed that my kids are a bit scared to tell/to ask  me anything and frankly I only realized last weekend that they were not "a bit" scared but they are SCARED of me! I asked my husband why the kids acted like that and guess what he said??

Image of kids in fear - credited to risingthefawn.com

"Seriously?? You don't know why the kids scared of you? Did you noticed that since the beginning of this year you always snap at them? I mean you are always tensed and even a small matter make you angry. I didn't say anything because I know you are stressing out with our financial problem."

Well, I did remembered snapping at the kids few times but I never thought that will make them scared of me and I don't like the kids to feel like that towards me. I tried to control myself from getting angry or snapping to them but I am just human being that sometimes it just happened. Some people said that this problem occurred because I am so young and not yet ready to face the challenge of motherhood. Obviously I am 29 years old mother of 4 kids but to me age but there are lots of young parent out there who excelled in parenthood, better than some of parents who are older than them. So, I guess we shouldn't judge parent based on their age.

In my case (from my own point of view) this problem all caused by my  weakness in tackling my stress! I have no one to blame but myself for causing my kids being afraid of me. No matter how tensed or stressed I am, I shouldn't snap on them because now I am paying the price of my own mistake(*sighing). Still don't know how to win my kids heart and trust.. Can you imagine how I feel when I see my kids expression of fear every time they ask something to me? I feel horrible! No wonder they were cowering whenever I raised my voice..(-_-) So parent out there, what do you think of this matter Obviously I need to re-evaluate myself to avoid myself from snapping at them but any opinion/suggestion/idea on how to tackle this kind problem really welcomed here!

Okay, gotta go now and search for some info on how to win my kids heart again. If any of you have any advise please do tell me.. (*puppy face)

Happy Monday everyone!

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