Hello 2023!

Happy New Year 2023!

Year 2022 was quite tough for me yet I am grateful for every challenge & failure I faced because it taught to stand up stronger than before.

I feel blessed because countless time I feel down and my will and determination start to crumble, my faith toward the almighty one keep uplifting me that every ordeal and difficulties are just temporary.

I don't know what is awaiting me in days ahead but I am ready and will embrace every single moment as a journey for me to be a better version of myself.

EXISTENCE

It's crowded yet you feel isolated.

You don't feel like you belong, you don't feel like you matter, you don't feel like you exist.

You have families yet you feel like you don't have any.

You are always there when they need you but nobody there when you need them. You love them unconditionally yet they only love you when they need you. They left you hanging by yourself when you no longer serve any use for them.

You are true friend to many yet you only have 1 or 2 or maybe none.

You exist but your existence doesn't matter enough for them.

DISGUST

A feeling that born from extreme dislike..

A feeling that so strong that it consume you everytime you think of the source of it.

A feeling that choking your wishful thinking.

A feeling that intensify your hatred.

A feeling that I wish I would never know, I wish I would never encounter.

A feeling that you wish you could kill in blink of eyes.

Yet it consuming your being, eating off your once pure heart and filling it with pure hatred, towards yourself for letting it in.

Goodbye My Dear Friend

I choose to post here instead of IG or FB because we started our friendship from blogging world. 

We met face to face for the 1st time on February 5th 2012 at Amcorp Mall and since then,we became best friend who shared lots of story and memories. I met her when I need someone to lend their ear to hear out my silent cries and and a shoulder to lean on. 

Since the death of my father, I was a loner, an extreme introvert until I meet her. I don't have a friend to talk with or to hang out with because nobody seem to understand me. Nobody can stir up the excitement of mingling with others until her. It was her who fished me out of my extreme introvert world. I always thought Allah destined us to meet so that I can experience all of those sweet memories being with friends, hanging out and travelling together. 

I went to my 1st oversea trip and Island escapade with her and Lin, a friend I got to know thru her, whom too, became my best friend and together we made lots of sweet memory. 

I can count on her to listen to my soppy & sappy story without being judged. She is like my personal confidante, someone I trust other than Allah. 

From the 1st time I meet her, I was drawn with her strength and strong will. People couldn't tell that she is cancer fighter because she never shown her sickness or weakness. 

Today, I lost her, I lost my dear friend; my sister; my confidante; my shopping buddy; my travel partner, leaving another wound deep inside my heart. Yes, maybe time will heal the wound but it will become another permanent scar on my heart. 

I wish it's just a bad dream, a nightmare that will gone once I wake up, but I know it's not. She is gone. I don't want to say goodbye, I am not ready to say goodbye yet I know I need to let her go; to let her peacefully rest in her eternal sleep. 

Goodbye my dear friend; Justinah Suntin (1979-2021). 

Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for every memory we shared together.

I will always remember and cherish our memories.

You will be always remember.

Till we meet again in hereafter..

Al-Fatiha..

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ

الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

مَالِكِ يَوْمِ الدِّينِ

إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ

اهْدِنَا الصِّرَاطَ المُسْتَقِيمَ

صِرَاطَ الَّذِينَ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ غَيْرِ المَغْضُوبِ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلاَ الضَّالِّينَ

Me, Just & Lin in 2019 - last time I meet her

Below 50kg Again

Alhamdulillah..

5kg lighter. 

No spesific diet. 

I still love to eat BUT I must control the portion size especially carbs portion. I also try to avoid heavy food/junk food after 8pm, which sometimes I failed and succumb to my gluttony but thankfully manage to control my portion in take. 

I am not fan of sweet drinks but I am crazy of sweet desserts and pastries especially cakes and jellies. I also cut off these delicacy intake since it's high in carbs.

I love fruits and vegetables, so I increased portion of these in my menu. 

I also do light yoga and light/medium intensity cardio at least 3 times a week. Will try to jog/run again after this pandemic over or cured, InshaAllah...

As I grow older, my metabolisme also seem to age by slowing down. When I was 17-34 years, I rarely watch my calories / food intake because I hardly gain weight even if I ate like maniac without any exercises. But now, if I eat like I used to be even with exercise, I easily gain weight in just a 3-5 days😣😣.

I try to make this as a habit since March 2021 and glad with the outcome. I feel lighter and no more pain while standing up and content because no need to waste money buying new clothes since I still can fit in my old clothes 😁

😊😊😊

Salam Aidilfitri 2021

Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah, with His grace and permission, once again I am allowed to celebrate Syawal with my small family though it just 6 of us due to the implementation of MCO3.0 to prevent the spread of C19 pandemic.

This is my 1st year since my conversion 19 years ago, celebrating Syawal without my MIL. Honestly I have to say that I am upset because this whole pandemic situation really suffocating my sanity; wearing face mask at public place, physical distancing, constantly sanitizing and washing hands, no social gathering, cannot do this, cannot do that, must do this, must do that and the list goes on. All of those new norm overhelming sometimes but it's necessary to prevent further damages to our health sector a

However, I feel so grateful because I still have a place to sleep, I still able to afford foods for my family, I still have my job whereas lots of people affected badly by this pandemic (*sigh).

Wishing all of my muslim families, relatives & friends 'Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin'

During this difficult time, may Allah give all of us strength to stand tall and overcome any obstacle. Aaminn!

Family Potrait 😊

Simple Kind To Skin Skincare

Assalamualaikum.

It's almost 2 year since I used Simple kind to skin moisturising facial wash and moisturiser and I can say that I finally found a brand that suitable for my combination skin which won't burn my wallet.

The facial wash cleanse my oily T-Zone without drying it up. No tightness after using it and my skin feel so clean, soft and fresh. It have a nice soft smell which is very appealing to me.

The moisturiser leave my skin soft and supple after applying it. No stickiness and it absorp quickly and nicely to my skin.

Simple also have regeneration age resisting series that I might try in future. But I am going to stick with this 2 product for now.

Disclaimer: This is not paid review but my personal review. I bought and used this product

Eid Mubarak 2020 Amidst Covid19

Assalamualaikum..

Alhamdulillah, I am really grateful for being able to celebrate Syawal again although we are still under movement control order due to Covid19 pandemic.

This year we were only allowed to visit our relatives on 1st day of Syawal, only 20pax or less were alllowed to be in 1 house depending on the space and we were advised to follow SOP which is no hugging/no shake hand/no chatting in close distance etc. It's kind of awkward not to do all of this but it's neccessary to prevent the spread of Covid19. 

Like the past years, we spend Eid Mubarak with MIL and FIL.

Our color theme for this year is gray. I did all the baju raya hunting and shopping virtually since visiting a physical shop is not safe during this pandemic. I feel truly grateful because we still able to buy and wear new baju raya during this hard time where lots of people lost their job and source of income. I pray that cure or vaccine will be found soon so that this pandemic will end soon, Inshaallah...Aaaminn!

Wishing all of my Muslim families, relatives, friends and Muslims all over the world a blessed and meaningful Eid Mubarak. Follow the S.O.P and stay safe everyone!

3W Clinic Sunblock Cream

Assalamualaikum

After years of using Biore UV block perfect Milk as my sunscreen/sunblock, I decided to try 3W Clinic Sublock Cream which originated from Korea.

 

The price is within my budget; between RM13-RM25 with SPF 50 (PA+++). I really love the soft & watery texture (like moisturizer) which absorb quickly without leaving any white cast on my face. The smell also very soft unlike the Biore UV perfect milk that have strong smell of alcohol. 

Beware of fake 3W clinic sunblock sell widely via online platform. I was duped once during my 1st purchase. I only realized after I received the item. The difference between the fake and original are so obvious yet I fell into the seller trick due to false advertisement picture. 

I been using this sunscreen for almost 1 month and so far it suit my skin; no irritation and no serious skin breakout.. Alhamdulillah...

Broom Challenge

Assalamualaikum..

Since yesterday broom challenge has been trending worldwide. Everyone is sharing their video or picture of doing the challenge. Some failed but mostly succeed with their attempt. 

Well honestly it's easy-peasy because it's all about gravity. Old broom, new broom can do the trick. The concept is like a tripod.

I am not really person who are into the trend or hype stuff but once a while I join because it's fun. 

Picture:-

done #broomchallenge

The video:-

Doing The #Broomchallenge

Stainless Pins by Duck

Assalamualaikum..

Yup, just bought an accessories from Duck brand. RM10 for 100pcs stainless pin; a must have accessories for hijab wearer. Oh well, it's expensive than other pins from elsewhere but I think the quality worth the price. How do I know? I been working in engineering materials & parts for 10 years now and I can assure you that this pins are good quality of stainless steel that won't easily get rusty. Those who are looking for good quality, you may purchase it at fashionvalet.com

I don't know how to use it yet but will try to learn it slowly though it will be hard since I am scared of anything sharp to be near my head (> <) Ngilu weiii.. 

Alhamdulillah....It's been 11 days since I donned hijab.. May Allah keep my heart steadfast, InshaAllah.. 

(Disclaimer: this is not a paid / sponsored review. It's just my personal opinion)

My Hijrah

Assalamualaikum..

Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah..

Yesterday I started to don hijab, though not perfectly but hopefully for good. It's my own decision without being influenced by anyone, not even my husband nor my kids. 

I have been in deep thought for quite sometimes, to be exact for few years about donning a hijab. I wanted to wear it but at the same times my heart was not ready yet.

Ashamed but I have to admit that my journey just begin recently, although I reverted to Islam 17 years ago. After years of doubt and denial, Alhamdulillah finally I found my faith and hidayah. 

I am still in phase of learning and I really hope nobody will expect me to fully committed to it in a blink of eyes. I want to walk forward slowly at my own pace ya... 

Please pray for me so that my heart will be steadfast in my journey to be a better person and better muslimah. Inshaallah.. 

Hair Loss & Dandruff Treatment : Seborin Hair Tonic

Assalamualaikum..

My hair loss and dandruff problem are getting out of hand for the past few months.

Yep, I am getting bald and my scalp is producing 'snow-flakes'. I tried several brand of shampoo & conditioner for dandruff & hair fall control yet none give me satisfactory result.

Few days ago, I read reviews about Schwazkopf Seborin anti-dandruff Hair Tonic and Schwazkopf Seborin Active Hair Tonic. Some are goods and some weren't that good but I after pondering between its pro and con, I decided to give it a try. 

I bought mine from Shins Online Shop which cost me RM36 (400ml) and RM 32.40 (300ml) each. Hurm, a bit costly but still cheap compare to other well-known brand. Hopefully it will solve my hair loss and dandruff/scalp problem, InShaAllah..

My baldy head :(

Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2019

Assalamualaikum..

Alhamdulillah, managed to complete Ramadan (minus 5 days of aunt flo), hoping that I was able to gain 'pahala' and sincerity of all our good deeds will get the attention from Allah S.W.T..InShaAllah..

It's already 4th Syawal.. This year, MIL and SIL (Kak Ngah) celebrated Aidilfitri with us because their siblings has to celebrate it with their in-law. We only have our signature dish; rendang ayam with nasi impit but to be honest, I think my MIL is happier because she can spend more time to rest. Me too glad that we decided to celebrate Aidilfitri at our humble home this year and not at MIL's house because I want my MIL to rest and just enjoy her off day from taking care of my SIL's kids. 

It's almost 18 years I been spending Aidilfitri with my MIL and FIL. No agruement from my side since most of my family back in Sabah don't celebrate Aidilfitri.. Pendek kata, kami tidak pernah masam muka pasal giliran tempat beraya (*smiling). 

Wishing all of my Muslim families, friends, relatives and all Muslims all over the world a very blessed Syawals. Lets spread spread love and peace! 

It's More Than Words

Assalamualaikum..

Today my social feeds are all about Mother's Day; wishes, greeting, pictures etc which enlighten my day but make me envious as well. Yep, reading those feeds give me such joy but at the same times it make feel like I am a bad daughter. 

In my almost 37 years of life, never once I celebrate Mother's Day with my mother. I never bought or give anything special to her on Mother's Day. It sound like I am such a ungrateful daughter isn't it? Well, I did feel like one before but not anymore because I know how much I love my mother, that no words not even a special day can best describe the depth of my love towards my mother.

Living my life happily is the best gift I can ever present to my mother because my father once said this to me "the best thing a children can give to their parent is to happily live their life to the fullest ; doing good deeds while achieving their life goal". 

Dear mak, my love for you is more than words can describe because it's endless, infinity. I can't never repay everything you have ever done for me.

Happy Mother's Day and Thank You For Everything Mak! 

My Mom and Me :P

Every Second Count

Assalamualaikum..

Today is my youngest 10th birthday. I should be happy since he is growing up well but at the same times I am a little bit sad because I feel I haven't play with him enough. think I didn't spend much time with him and I think I missed so much in his life.

I am jealous with those mom who stay at home or working from home just because they can spend more time with their kids whilst I have to send my kids to day care center and spend 8 hours, 5 days a week of my life at office.. How pathetic is that.. Hurmm... 

However, looking from the bright side, I learn to appreciate every single second I spend with my kids and try my best to fill it with colorful memories, hoping that my children won't feel neglected or less love.

Dear Ilyas, 

Happy 10th birthday 'busuk'! May Allah bestow you the best of everything in life and hereafter.. InShaAllah.. (Aaamiin).

Youngest with his choice of cake: Chocolate Brownies Cake

Ramadan Mubarak

Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah, really grateful that this year, Allah give me a chance to fast during this holy month. I also grateful that Allah never give up on me, awaken me from my spiritual slumber and showing the beauty of Islam.

I hope Ramadan this year will mark another significant improvement in my journey to be a better person and better Muslim. My journey is as slow as a snail and the road is bumpy but I will move forward. InShaAllah, one day I will be there..

Ramadan Mubarak to all Muslims all over the world.

Picture credit to google

Are We Promoting Violence

Assalamualaikum!

My FB feeds these few days are mostly about the incident of a motor rider harrasing a car driver for not giving signal at the T junction.

Everyone were giving their piece of mind, some critizing the motorcyclist but mostly applausing and praising him for giving the car driver a lesson of her life, which make me a little sad of what our society becoming nowadays. It feel like they are suggesting that violence is okay in certain situation (*sigh).

Yes, the woman (car driver) might be wrong for not giving signal, which might cause tragic accident but resorting to violence is a terrible way of giving a life lesson to others. Scolding, critizing, admonishing etc., even cursing can be use but please don't ever use violence.

I am sorry but I can't tolerate with either people who resort to violence or people who backing/supporting act of violence. I will forever against violence. As simple that. Call me stupid, bias or anything but nothing can change my stand.

Never Too Late

Assalamualaikum..

It is such a long hiatus from my blogging activities.

To be honest, I was engrossed with my life ups and downs.

Even when I already in front of my lappy and my finger started typing the words but after few sentences I just couldn't find the right words to put up my thoughts and it always end up as a draft. I really miss my writing enthusiasm.. *sigh

One of my resolution this year is to write at least once a month yet only now I manage to pull myself to write this post..

Writer's block? Hurmm, nope, not this time. I guess I just lost my enthusiasm in writing.. Can I blamed all of those Kdrama and Cdrama? Just kidding, it's my fault actually for being Kdrama and Cdrama addict.. Hehehe

Oh well, it's never too late to start over again, isn't it? Moreover, it's new era of speech and writing freedom. I may take this opportunity to writing about anything to my heart content..InShaAllah..

I will keep writing..ommm :P

Family New Addition: Momo The Cats

Last week hubby brought back a female stray cat that he found nearby Prima LRT station. The kids (especially my daugther) are so excited and pratically begging me to let the cat stay with us.

Honestly I feel uneasy because I vowed never to take in any pet since I lost my pet cat many years ago. However I gave in to hubby and my kids pledge that they will take responsibilty on its health and hygiene aspect. So from now on my small family number is 7.